I NEED SOME ADVICE, please...
So, it's halfway through the school year, and I really did so well for my first trimester, better than I expected, better than my mom expected. But now, it's almost the end of my 2nd term, and i'm really falling behind. I did a practice test (science) of the exam i have to take at the end of the year, and i just got my results. 1,5/20
Before opening that grade i was telling myself, okay, maybe an 8/20, minimum a 6/20, never did it hit me that i'd get a 1,5.
So, i've been thinking, for a while now... Should i repeat this year? I'm 17 now, (my birthday was 2 days ago) so soon i have to figure what i want to do in the future in everything... If i pass this year, i'll only have one year of high school left... I have no idea what i'm doing...
If i repeat this year over again, i know i'd do things differently. Be more organised, take different classes, extra classes, for extra credit, join the debate club since i wasn't able to this year, take an easier class, since it was to hard this year, pass the test to get my driver's liscence, and more...
I made a pros and cons list, the pros being triple the size as the cons. The cons just mainly being embarrassement, loss of friends, and the fact that i'd have to stay in this crappy house with my mom and her boyfriend for another year...
But i'm really falling behind, and i have another practice exam on Monday, and have to know how to orally analyse 11 already seen texts within 10 minutes, in french. I only know 3 out of the 11. I have two days to learn 9 more texts? That's not possible.
If i fail all my pratice exams, won't i fail the real ones?
So, shouldn't i just give up already?
I'll start over... Next year.
But i'm afraid.
Afraid to leave all my friends, to leave some people that i've known all my life, who've sat next to me in class for the past 5 years...
But i think i'm more afraid of the judgement.
The judgemental looks i'll get from some of those people that i've known for 5 years.
And on top of that, the judgemental looks from those who have been a year below me for the past 5 years, that i've see around the halls, familiar with their faces, some of them their names, but not all.
I'm scared of those faces, those eyes that will look at me, quietly judging, but to me, they're all screaming.
What do I do...?
Is it wrong for me to jeopardize my future, just because i'm scared of what others think?