In a world where everyone knew god, the men ruled the women and all knew. God created boys and those boys created their girls. Except for the Goddess girls. The Goddess made few children, but all were girls. When they were born you couldn't tell the difference, but they were different. They were few and far between but they didn't have to obey and they had no men. They were so uncommon that they were no more than a legend in most towns.
Chpt. 1 (Life as I know it)
She was born into a family called the Hallers. Mr. and Mrs. Hallers weren't very nice to anyone, including their children. They beat their own children starting when they were as young as three years, especially the girls. So when this girl was born, her parents were furious, but her oldest brother took her to the next Children’s Meeting. Since all the girls were created by boys, they were all born in the same towns. When a boy finds his girl (as soon as they see each other) the girl tells her mom and dad good bye and she leaves with the boy.
She does not find a boy that matches her but she has to go, so says the law. In her mind though, the only good thing about law was that she could still go to school, because the law states, When a girl finds her man she must stop schooling with boys and learn from her boy or no one. Until he and his girl are together she must go to school. So she goes to school.
"Katya, Katya, the oldest single girl, ha, ha, ha-ha, ha!" teases her class mates, even her teacher taunts her and tests her because she is a She.
I'm Katya. My full name is Katayla Lemo Hallers. As I write down my math home work I try to ignore them. I think, At least this teacher doesn’t grade me down because I'm a girl. I hold back from calling them every bad name I can think of and pack up my stuff so I can go home and get my chores and home work done before my father gets home. My beatings are not as bad when I get everything done before hand. Everyone knows that I get beaten but no one cares because I'm a girl and Father is a boy. The law got Mother to quit beating any of us and Father to quit beating my brothers and their girls and all my sisters that do not live with us or are younger than five. So that leaves me for him to take out all his anger on.
When I get up to leave some of the boys get mad at me for not reacting and push me into the wall. One of them tries to strangle me but I twist and duck and weave, so I am next to the door with them in front of me.
"One thing about getting beatin' on a daily basis is that you practice fighting with your brothers whenever they are willing and you aren’t too hurt." I tell them before I stride out the door. I can hear them calling after me until I leave the building.
They can always tell when a girl has not found her boy. The ones that have wear dresses or skirts on bottom, so their boys have easier access, so they told me. I always wear pants though; I couldn't stand the thought of giving boys 'better access' so to speak; I also don't want to be impaired when fighting.
Father drives up the driveway and I am scared, he is mad. I can tell. He had a bad day. I run out side and open his door, it is always better when I do. He steps out of the truck and slaps me across the face.
"Hello, Sir." I tell him keeping my voice soft but strong. He grabs me by the arm swinging me around and tossing me to the ground, and then marches inside. I stand up, shut the truck door and follow him in. "Food, Sir?"
"Now!" he commands. "Then get over here!" I bring him his food and kneel before him.
He tries the food and then set it down and slaps me. I show him no emotion. "I thought I told you I don't like curry!"
"Sorry, Sir. Mother made it, Sir. Shall I get you something else?"
"Obviously!" he grabs my arm and shakes me, when he releases me I stand up and get him different food.
"Here you are, Sir." I offer him the food, "sweet and sour chicken, Sir."
"Good, kneel. NOW!" I kneel, and wait while he eats, then take his dishes to the kitchen, clean them and come back and kneel again. "Come."
When we get into my room (I can't call it a bedroom because there is no bed just a thirty-six square foot room with three sets of clothes in it) he beats me. Punching me in the gut and taking a belt to my back and front. He slaps me, and kicks me while I am on the floor, tears streaming down my face. Please, oh please do not be one of those days! 'One of those days' means one of the days he proves he is better than me. He does not just beat me; he proves he is better than me every way he can. Mother knows. She does not care.
It had been one of those days, I think as I gingerly put on clothes so I can go to school. At least he did not break anything this time. When I look in the cracked bathroom mirror I see a pale face with a bruise that was going to end up more black than blue forming across my cheek and small bun on the top of my head made of brown hair. My freckles, standing out more than usual, scattered my face.
"Ya'll comin'," I ask my brothers as I exit the bathroom. When the seven that go to the same school as me look over, I can see how bad they feel about Fathers treatment of me for a quiet moment until the oldest breaks it.
"I'm comin'," he tells me as he gets up from the couch and grabs his pack and gives his girl a kiss on the cheek. "See you when I get home," he tells her. There is a mumble of voices as the other six stand up and follow suit. I hear a door open down the hall and hurry out the door.
I'm halfway down the driveway before my brothers catch up.
"What you in such a big hurry for?" asks my seven year old brother, the youngest of the seven that go to my school.
"She was gitin' out of the house before Father came in, ain't that right sista?" answers my next youngest brother.
Why don't you shut your trap before I shut it for you? I want to say, instead I merely said "Yes."
"You guys know better than to talk to her when Father was mad, and you know she could take down at least three of us before we could get her pinned if we were all working together, so shut up!" my oldest brother says, you can hear the regret burning in his voice.
"Thank you, Tim." I say still trying to resist the urge to throttle all of them, but I like the way he said 'if'. I wonder if he would be part of that 'if', or if he was speaking of some off chance.
I am still thinking about that when some of my classmates join us, coincidentally turning off a side street at the same time we pass it. One of them is Mr. Strangle-Happy or Tylor. My hands ball up into fists and I take a deep breath.
"Hay, look who it is, Miss. I-Don't-Have-A-Man!" snickers one of them, Jeff.
"Neither do your girls because they have baby boys!" I throw back. When I turn around to see how they take it, all I see is my brothers facing me shoulder to shoulder blocking my view.
"Katya, calm down,” George tells me.
"NO! I bet that if I told you what they did yesterday that you would stop trying to protect them."
"What did they do?" Tim asked cautiously.
"They tried to strangle me with their friends!" I was screaming by the end of the sentence. They just stare unbelievingly at me. "I'm NOT kidding!" Finally, Modle understands I am not lying to him.
"You're not serious, are you?" asks Yar, the youngest.
"I think she is Yar," Modle tells him. Suddenly all my brothers have their backs to me and have stopped walking. I push past Tim so I can get to my class mates.
"Let us take care of them, Katya," why Tim, why do you have to do this to me? D*mn, d*mn, d*mn-ity-d*mn, D*MN! Why do I have to listen to him!
I walk up to Jeff and punch him in the face. "It is on!" I hear him say before he swings his fist. He is so right! I dodge his punch and return with one of my own into his gut. I feel hands on my shoulders and waist pulling me back, away from Jeff and Tylor.
"NO!" This is my fight; they are holding him back and are standing between us. "No, no. This is MY fight!" I cannot believe this, they, my brothers, are not letting me fight. I punch and kick and thrash. The three of them that were holding me are down for the count and the two that were between us are walking over when I hear the truck engine. I run, to the trees on the side of the road, to hiding. The two getting ready to fight me quickly realize what is happening and as I watch from my spot in the trees, Tim and Yar tug Modle, Ham (short for Harrison), and Jack off the road and George and Raz pull Jeff and Tylor off too, keeping them quiet with a hand over the mouth.
Just in time too. Father comes into view ten seconds after they get to cover.
"You. Are. Good!" complements Ham between gasps.
"Not my fault ya'll teach me to fight by all ganging up on me, now is it? What thirty-five to one?"
"No, guess it isn't," agrees Raz, "but what should we do with these two, Tim?"
"Strangle them just like they tried to do to me," I advise.
"No, let them go, but if we here of another incident we will help Katya, not you," Tim warns. After Jeff and Tylor go hurrying to school Tim tells me, "Now get out of the trees and let me see your neck!"
I sulk out of the trees muttering about boy's protective instincts. "Look, proof," I say gesturing to my neck. "Sir. Hit-Happy didn't do that!"
"Hell, how'd you get away? How'd they get hold of you?" asks Jack, now somewhat recovered from the fight. "Actually, don't tell me, I'd rather not know."
"Well, anyone know what we should write on our note? I was thinking maybe something to do with Joey." Joey is my youngest brother so far, he is two. He found his girl Georgia when he is three months old.
"How about, 'Joey was sick this morning and I wanted the kids to stay and help me.' then sign it Mrs. Hallers." says George.
"OK." I write it down in my best Mother-imitation hand writing, scribbling the signature on the bottom of the note. "Let's go!"
We were almost two hours late when we walk into the school. I hand Tim the note, the office-man will not take it from me; so he could give it to the man.
"OK, Timothy, Jackson, Harrison, George, Raymond, Mallard, Yarlic, and, umm—"
"Her name is Katayla," Tim again.
"Yes, umm, Katayla," his voice dripping with disgust. "Here you are." He handed us the slips, careful not to touch me. I'm not contagious! In the name of the God and Goddess!
"Katya, come on."
"I'm coming, Raz. I was just thinking about if he knew I'm not contagious or not." It gave me something to think about in instead of how bad Father would beat me if he knew about today. When I get into English class Jack hands Mr. Getude our slips. We are in the same class because I went into school a year before my brothers, as is tradition.
"We're working on a free write," Mr. Getude tells Jack, obviously making no effort to include me. As I take my seat, I try to think about where I was in my story about Ham, the person.
In myths and Legends Mr. Dot was giving a lecture about an old, old legend. The Goddess children or, girls.
"The Goddess supposedly made girls that were above the level of our society; even God agreed that they were one step up from us. They had no ties to men, no need, or want I might say, to obey us, and had some extraordinary abilities. Some said that She had the same, and more, powers. Some of the not-so-extraordinary include: being smarter than us, learning faster, mood changes, and desire to protect what is theirs. Some of their more remarkable abilities were magic and connection to animals. For the start of this section in our year we will be starting on why they don't want to obey us." He was obviously having trouble saying that Goddess girl do not need to obey, "Does anyone have an idea at why?"
Only three hands go up including mine. "Josh, why do you think?" Josh was the class clown.
"Because, obviously, they were not smart enough to obey! Duh!"
"That could be why, but not likely. Tomas."
"Because the Goddess gave them some immunity to our awesomeness."
"OK, nobody else?"
"Katya has a guess!" calls out Ham.
"Oh, I didn't see you there, Katya. What is your idea?" he does not like me either.
"I think it is because they are superior and can see through ya'lls faces to your real self, can see how much of it is a lie, how much ya'll don't really know even though ¡Ustedes piensan que usted sabe cada cosa! ¡Ustedes piensan que usted puede encubrir algo que usted no quiere, pero usted no hace un trabajo muy bueno! ¡Porque ustedes son tan estúpidos!"
"Katya, Katya! In English!"
"Sorry, Ham. It means 'ya'll think you know everything! Ya'll think you can cover up anything you don't like, but you ain't doin' a very good job! Because ya'll are so stupid!' As close to exact as possible." I blink innocently with a sweet smile. "Sorry Ham, that includes you, but I also think that all ya'lls girls couldn't see it anyway, even if you try to let them see it, unless you really, in your souls, however corrupt they are, want them to, that they could see ya'lls desperfectos, sorry, flaws."
"That is enough, Katayla. If you don't stop talking nonsense I will be calling your father!" Mr. Dot is evil, absolutely evil. I know he really will call him too. My mind goes to the first night one of my teachers called him. Mr. Hathford. Father broke more than one of my bones that night. "Does anyone else know whatever language that was?"
"It was Spanish. The only other language she knows." Estúpidos Ham. Why do you have to talk to him? I know he has to though, I'm not being fair, I know but gerr!
"Do you know if that was really what she said, anyone?" Mr. Dot is way worse than Ham though. I reason with myself. At least I was the only one that knows Spanish. In the town, only one guy knows Spanish, which was one of the reasons I chose to learn from him. No one talks to him, he is always talking in half Spanish and his girl died nineteen years ago, before I was born, by four years. I'm fifteen.
"Alright, now that, that is over I would like you all to pick one of these reasons," he gestured to a list, "to write a paper on. It needs to include whether you think it is right or wrong, why, and be at least two hundred fifty words, typed." The list does not have my explanation on it, not that I expect it to. Time to write another bogus paper airing Mr. If-She-Is-In-Here-I'll-Downgrade-Her-When-She-Says-Something-I-Don't-Agree-With's views, I think to myself, heavy with the sarcasm. Joyful!
I walk into math class, the only class I have with Jeff and Tylor. I was let out late from science so I was the last one to come in.
"Hay, Katya, why don't you find somewhere to hide, I think I hear a truck!" taunts Jeff.
"Shut-up if you are smart," I warn.
"Ha, with all of us here you couldn't get away," Whyit laughs.
"You couldn't have even touched me if your brothers hadn't of been helping you." Tylor states. Ignórelos justo, Just ignore them. Their voices fade out of my consciousness.
They had stopped talking when Mr. Sanders called the class to order. Now they are back at it. Blah, blah, blah! Do they know how to stop talking? Probably not. Why can't they just leave me alone? "Why? Why do you waste your time this way, tormen--?"
They are holding me down! The whole class, helping! All forty-seven of them! I am stuck! NO! They are choking me, I cannot breath! Help! I cannot talk. No air! HELP!
I can breathe again in the time it takes me to count to ninety-five. Tim, Ham, Jack, Yar, Modle, George, and Raz! All of them are there to help me. I stand up and start fighting. Punch. Kick. Duck. Spin. Roll. Punch... They are all on the floor and they are all holding something. My brothers are still standing, but they are staring at me. There is blood on the floor, at least one of the boys had a knife, maybe more, but my brothers are fine. I am starting to feel dizzy.
"Wh--" I black out.
"Katya?" I can tell the voices are different people, but not who, as I slowly start to transition from unconsciousness to consciousness. My eyes open and I can see blurry faces, but none are clear.
"Katya! Thank the God and Goddess!" Things are starting to become clearer, it is Ryan, my oldest brother, he is thirty-six.
"What? What happened?" I try to sit up, but Lilian pushes me back down. Lilian is Ryan's girl. I have always been lucky Ryan is a doctor and lives next door.
"You've lost a lot of blood, sweetie. Just relax." Lilian is probably right, I should relax. Then I thought of something.
"Ahh, is Father home yet?"
"Yes, Father came home an hour ago."
"Crap, I have to go. If he sees that I'm over here he is going to hurt me! Why couldn't you have just let me die? It would have been less painful than what is going to happen when I get back."
"Katya! You are still in critical condition!" Ben tells me.
"Then let me die now! Please! Ryan, even when Father beat you it wasn't that bad. For more than one reason. One, he had more kids to beat. Two, he liked you, and you know it. Three, Father likes boys more than girls. Do I need to add the fact that I'm still single?"
"Don't worry, Katya, he can't get in here." Lilian is good at taking care of people, but still.
"It. Is. Okay." Ut said slowly.
"No, you don't know what it's like. You've never been beaten."
"Katya, I'm a healer. Not a killer." I never thought I would be unhappy that my brother is a doctor, but the day has come. "I'm not going to let you die, you're my sister."
"Give her more drugs, Lilian."
"No, then he can kidnap me while I sleep! No, no, no!" I start to hyper-ventilate.
"Don't worry, we won't let him come into the roo--" I drift out, feeling a little safer.
"Katya," it was a soft and powerful voice, "you must survive my child." It is a woman's voice.
As I see where I am, I am taken aback. It is so beautiful, like a palace of clouds and the woman looks like an older, more mature, unhurt version of me.
"Katayla Lemo Hallers, my child, you are not at the time for you to come here. You are not done down there. I need you to stay there a little longer. It is not your time. Do not talk of this, pretend you are who you thought you were or all hell will break lose. Go."
"Why, it is so much better here."
"I need you there, but you will find a wolf when you return, he will help you on your way, but he will not come for a time. Don't go looking for him."
"Thank you." I take a step back and I am back in Ryan's house.
"Thank God, she is back with us. We almost lost her though." Ryan is right, they almost lost me, almost lost me to heaven.
"I'm okay." I actually feel a lot better, even if I am tired.
"You stopped breathing, and your heart stopped beating. You are not 'okay'." Yar could be so obtuse.
"I think I will just go back to sleep."
"That's good, go to sleep." Duh, Lilian. I think as I fall back to sleep. My dreams full of my glimpse of heaven.
I look at my arm that is full of tubes and needles when Ryan walks in. "You think you could take those out so I can get up?"
"Katya, why do you ask something like that? You know I won't until I'm sure you are going to be okay. Not after you almost die on us."
"Come on, you know I'm going to be fine.'
"No I don't."
"But the longer I'm in here the worse I'm going to get beaten, so the more likely I will be back here sooner than later."
"Katya, you've been here for three and a half weeks."
"Wow that sucks! I'm defiantly goin' to be back here. So, can I go? Please?"
"Fine, but have to come back tomorrow and let me check you."
"What time is it?" I ask as he pulls everything out of my arm.
"So Father is coming home in ten minutes. I need to go." I stand up and ask, "Can I have some food first?"
"Sure, come on." He leads the way to his kitchen and gets out some soup for me. "Here, eat it. Then go."
"Thanks," I say around bites. When I finish I run out the door. I get home just before Father drives up.
"Sir, I'm so sor—" He hits me in the mouth. He broke my jaw! I heard the bone crack.
"You little, stupid idiot!" He punches me in the gut, then grabs my arm and pulls me into the house. "Shut-up!" I realize I am making pained little noises, so I stop. He throws me to the ground of my room and kicks me. Pop! My rib punches in. He steps on my arm and it pops too. I'm ready to pass-out from the pain, but resist the urge because he will beat me more if I do. He punches me in the face again; jerking my broken jaw. I squeak out of pain. He roars, stepping on my leg as he pulls me up, breaking my leg. He made it another one of those days.
I wake up on the floor in searing pain. Help! I cannot talk, cannot move, I have too many broken bones. The door opens and I cringe.
"Katya? You okay?"
I make a pained sound that is barely loud enough for Bazzer to hear. He is one year younger than Ryan. "Oh, shi--" he bit off the end of the word. "I'm goin' to have to pick you up and carry you to Ryan's. I'm sorry, Father..." He trails off in German for a few seconds. He picks me up, trying to be gentle but little black dots dance across my vision. I am sweating and have tears streaming down my face before he makes it to my door. I cannot help the pained noises I make until we are most of the way down the driveway and the pain is so bad I cannot even make them anymore. "Shi--" Bazzer bites off again when I stop making noise. He starts walking faster. I know that if I look into the mirror I would see eyes so unfathomable, so pained, that I would have done the same thing. "We're almost there. I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he apologizes.
The house door opens and I hear a gasp, "Oh, holy, umm, cow!" the word obviously does not have the power Ryan wants. "This way Bazzer." Ryan sounds nervous. Bazzer starts walking and I squeak in pain and he looks down with a worried look. Then I remember the Goddess's request and know that I have to survive. I have to do whatever it was she wants me to, and I have to meet the wolf.
"I'm so sorry," he apologizes again but keeps walking. He walks into Ryan’s emergency room equivalent and set me down on the bed. I groan as I touch the bed. "I’m so sorry."
"What happened?" Is it not obvious Ryan?
"Father, what did you think?" Exactly Bazzer!
"She was not kidding when she said she would be back here." He starts looking me over. "Why the hell did you move her when she was like this?"
"Sorry, Father was going to get up and I panicked. Could you have left her there when she was lying there making pained noises when Father was going to get up?"
"No, I guess not. Well you might want to do one of two options. One, if you have a cold hart, stay here and help me restrain her, or, two, leave, and get me one of our other brothers."
"Umm, I’ll get you someone else."
"Okay, but hurry." Bazzer runs off towards Tac’s house.
"I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to straighten your breaks once, probably Tac, he has the hardest hart, and likes you the least, but he still loves you, gets here." I squeak an affirmative.
Tac walks in, "Holy cow!"
"Bazzer just brought her over. Father did it."
"I need you to hold her while I set the breaks."
"Okay, I’ll do it. How do you want me to restrain her?"
"It’ll hurt her, but sit behind her, and cross your arms across her chest. Don’t let her jerk, 'K."
"Okay," he says as he lifts up my front and slide his feet on either side of me making black and white spots flash in front of my eyes. When he tightens his arms I almost pass out, it hurts so bad I cannot move. "Go."
Ryan pulls my leg strait and I try to pull out of Tac’s hold, but that hurts too. I have tears filling my eyes again when blackness comes.
I knew I had been passed out because Ryan is at my arm, and is putting a brace on it. The pain is so great I do not have words.
I have seven breaks. My left leg, right arm (good thing I’m left handed.) My jaw is broken, but I can talk, kind of, three of my ribs are broken, and my right pinky. If I stay fairly still I’m okay. I have Ham and Jack keeping me updated for school and there is always someone with me. Ham and his girl Sara are with me helping me write my paper for myths and legends. If I get it turned in soon I can still get full credit.
"Thus when the girl and the one who created her see each other they connect in such a way that they could not even think about leaving each other for someone else. Is that right?" I ask them, unbelievingly.
"Yah, that’s right. I would never even think about leaving Ham," Sara tells me at the same time Ham says, "Yes."
"How many words is that?"
"That is eighty-seven," Ham answers.
"Ugh, none of his reasons can possibly be correct!"
"Maybe, maybe not. They all sound good enough to me." Sara, Sara, Sara.
"Of course, they sound good to you! You’re his creation!"
"I know that."
"Well I am not bound to a boy that way!"
"Katya! You’re supposed to keep your heart-rate down!"
"Sorry, Ryan," I apologize to the man who just opened the door.
"Why don’t you take a break form that paper of yours?"
"Okay, I just can’t get over all of my teacher’s stupid ideas of why Goddess Girls don’t obey."
"They aren’t that bad, some of them might be true," Sara put in.
"Shh," Ham told her.
"Are you that stupid? Are you really that stupid?" I’ll strangle her if I get half a chance.
"Katya, just try to remember your reason, please, it isn’t her fault."
"I’m so sorry Ham, will you forgive me?" Tears are ready to fall down my face.
"Oh, Katya. Of course I forgive you! Don’t cry," he pleads.
"Your mood changes are brought out by the pain killers. It’s not your fault." Lilian is so good with people! I wish I was like her!
"Oh, Lilian, I wish I was more like you! You are someone to adore, unlike me."
"Oh, sweetheart, that is not true."
"What is your reason?" Ryan wonders aloud.
"This is a quote, minus most of the Spanish." Ham switches to falsetto, "'I think it is because they are superior and can see through ya'lls faces to your real self, can see how much of it is a lie, how much ya'll don't really know even though, she switched to Spanish, Sorry, Ham. It means 'ya'll think you know everything! Ya'll think you can cover up anything you don't like, but you ain't doin' a very good job! Because ya'll are so stupid!' As close to exact as possible. Sorry Ham, that includes you, but I also think that all ya'lls girls couldn't see it anyway, even if you try to let them see it, unless you really, in your souls, however corrupt they are, want them to, that they could see ya'lls desperfectos, sorry, flaws.'" He switches back, "Then Mr. Dot yelled at her."
"Wow, I never thought about it that way." Ryan exclaims.
"You’re a guy, what did you expect?" I ask.
"I've never thought about it that way either, but there is no flaws in Ryan."
"Lilian, you can only see the flaws if he wants you to because of your bond to him. That is one of the key points in my reason."
"Oh, you don’t want me to see your flaws?"
"I think I’m going to work on that, letting you see me," Ryan decided.
"You would do that for me?"
"I would move mountains for you."
"If you are going to go all sappy, please leave!" I beg.
"Sorry, I came in here to tell Ham and Sara to be careful when they leave. There is a wolf trying really hard to get inside. It hasn’t hurt anyone so I don’t want to kill it."
"Thanks for the warning, I’ll be careful," Ham thanks. "Well we need to be going anyway because I have a club meeting to go to." A wolf is trying to get in. What if it is the wolf? I have to see it! I have to know!
"Can I see the wolf?"
"What?" Ryan asks me, not believing what he just heard.
"Yes, I just asked if I can see the wolf."
"Are you serious?" Ham demands.
"Yes," I say calmly.
"No! At least until you can walk by yourself!" I sigh in disappointment. This is so NOT fair! I want to see the wolf!
"Okay, I give up! When do I get my casts off?"
"In two days I’ll check them, if you are OK then, I will take them off."
"Two days? Fine."
"That wolf is really persistent," states Cal.
"I know bro. Two days, nonstop!" Ryan sounds amazed.
"Two days?" I ask.
"Will you take off my casts now?"
"I'll check them," he amends. "You might want to hold her, Cal. I took out the pain killers and if any of her bones are still broken, she might try to jerk and that’ll hurt her more."
"Okay." Cal climes up onto the bed and holds me down. "I'm ready."
"Go," I tell him.
I’m alright until he gets to my arm. When he takes off the cast I whimper. Then he pulls it strait, not at all gentle, black dots cross my vision and I try to jerk but Cal is holding me and I try to stay silent with the pain.
"Your arm is not quite healed."
"No kidding," I say through gritted teeth.
"But other than that, you are Okay."
"Why the hell did you pull on it?" Cal wants to know.
"I had to teach her not to rush healing."
Cal looking into my tormented, watering eyes, asks, "Like that?"
"Probably not the nicest way," Ryan admits.
"Since I can walk, can I go see the wolf?" I ask as Ryan puts a new cast on.
"I know that there is no way we will be able to keep you from going out there, so, yes."
Chpt. 2 (Jakole)
"Yes," I say as I stand up. I’m a little wobbly, but I can walk.
"Wait," Ryan grabs my shoulder to stop me and I fall into him. "Sorry, just, I’m going with you?"
"Fine," as long as I get to go see it. Will this wolf be him? "Let’s go." I walk out of the room with Ryan and Cal on my heels. When I look out the window I see the wolf, it is sitting watching the door. It is beautiful, all sorts of browns and reds running together, turning it a beautiful red-brown color. Not like a red head, but bright red.
When I open the door it stands up. Cal and Ryan push in front of me; I push right back getting in front of them again. It runs forward, stopping five feet away staring at me. It is a boy. He looks into my eyes, catching my gaze.
~Katayla Lemo Hallers, you are mine!
I back up a step and bump into Cal.
~It is okay, the Goddess sent me here, and I am yours. Will you trust me?
I start to nod my head.
~No! Don’t let them know I can talk to you. It is a secret.
"Okay, he is beautiful." I try to tell him I trust him while making it look like I am talking to my brothers. "He is massive! He has to be at least five hundred pounds!"
"That’s what I said, I wonder why he ran up like that, and he has not let us come this close before," comments Ryan, "at least not without a girl, but only the first time he saw one."
"Yah, when he saw Sara," Cal adds. Sara looks kind of like me, brown hair, about five-three. She does not have freckles though.
~I thought she was you, I have been waiting.
"I know he has been here for, what, about two days?" I tell him the only way I know how.
"Yep, a little longer I think," Ryan confirms.
~You are my Sacaw Hasla, my Goddess Girl. I am your Sacaw Hasla, your Goddess Boy. I am Jakole.
"No, he is, wow!" I reject him, no, no, no!
"Yah, that’s why I didn’t want to kill him," Ryan tells me.
"Yah," I tell him, "can we go get some food?"
"Sure, I’m hungry too," Cal tells me.
"Is he still out there?" I ask.
"Yes, but I doubt he is going to attack you, he has not gone near any of us, except that time with Sara, and that time with you yesterday," Mike tells me.
"You’re probably right bro."
"So I’ll see you later, 'kay?"
"Yah. Later." I walk out of the house and Jakole runs up, I keep walking.
~Sacaw Hasla, accept me, please!
"No!" I tell him allowed since no one can hear me.
~I will not give up. You can think words to me, too.
~Yes, I hear you.
~Well, my answer is still NO!
~I just want to be normal! I’m not a Goddess Girl. They are LEDGENDS! MYTHS!
~She talked to you though, told you I was coming.
~In a dream.
I walk into my house.
He gives me emotions, pain, hurt, rejection.
"Took you long enough to heal," Mother scalds. "Father has been in a bad mood the last couple days."
“Go see him, let him be happy again.” In other words, go get beaten again? I want to ask her.
~Do not go.
~Get out of my head!
~I will not give up.
I walk into the living room where Father sits on the couch. “Hello Sir.” He stands up and pulls me into the dining room.
“KIDS!” He yells. Two minutes later all my brothers that live at the house and their girls file in by age order. Isal and Ollie, Tim and Danielle, Raz and Rillie, Jack and Jill, Ham and Sara, George and Haly, Modle and Hether, Yar and Fernanda, Ben and Bes, Asum and Tal, Mic and Tally, Lams and Terra, Paul and Zoe, and Joey and Georgia. “Now I am going to make an example. So sit.” He brought me in here so everyone could watch.
~No, it hurts, your pain hurts!
~Get used to it, if you don’t leave now. It’s part of my life.
“Keep your eyes open, if you are not careful you might have this happen to yourself,” Father tells them all. He slaps me across the face.
A growl screams through my head.
He punches me in the gut and I double over in pain twice as bad as last time.
The growl changes into a snarl.
~If I accept you, you still won’t be able to do anything.
~Fine, I accep—
Father shoves me at the same time he pulls my arm, causing extreme pain in my shoulder.
~Then I come into you, body and soul.
My head is silent, but I still moan in pain as Father kicks my feet out from under me and my head hits the wood floor. Something had changed in the time my head became silent, and it hitting the floor.
“STOP!” says a man from the doorway.
“Why? I’m obeying the laws,” Father gives back. The man had the strangest hair, every shade of red and brown, which is what told me he was Jakole. He was also about fifteen. He was tall, about six-two, and his skin had a deep tan. He had freckles too.
“Not if you hit her again.”
“Why is that?”
~Go with this, okay?
“She is my girl.”
“Is this true?” Father shrieked.
“Yes,” I confirmed. It is true enough, I am his girl, but he is mine too, I understand that now. “I met him for the first time outside Ryan’s house.” It is true.
~Yes, I am glad.
All my brothers and their girls freeze.
~I don’t want to lie to all my brothers.
~We need to get your father out of the way.
~I know, but my brothers.
~Do not worry; we just need to get your father out of the way.
~Okay, then we will tell them?
“I came over to tell you.” Father screams and punches me again. I fall back and Jakole takes a step back.
A wolf growl rips through my mind; my ears hear nothing.
~Sorry, Sacaw Hasla.
~He hurt us.
~Did you feel my pain before I came outside the first time?
~He is the one who made me able to hurt then, he broke my arm, and you see my cast.
“YOU HIT MY GIRL!”
“And there is nothing you can do about it!” Father sneered.
“You will go to jail!”
“Ha! Yah right!” Jakole leaps toward Father, pinning him to the ground.
“You will go to jail.” His anger swept me in waves making me feel like hitting something. I walk into the kitchen and pick up the phone.
“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?” asked a middle-aged man.
“My father has broken the law.”
“The police will be there in ten minutes.”
“Thank you,” I hang up, everyone knows all about me, so I don’t have to say where I was calling from or who I was, everyone knows me, and I know almost everyone by sight if not by voice, the man who had answered the phone was named Carl.
I walk into the dining room with almost all eyes on me, not Jakole’s and not Fathers. “What?”
“You, him, wah?” Paul stutters.
“I will explain once Father is gone.” It became twenty questions, but I stay silent until the police arrived.
I hear the sirens, ee-oo, ee-oo.
“What did your Father do?” asks a young police officer named Freandon.
“He hit me.”
“So, that is not against the law.”
“The law states, ‘Fathers must not abuse a girl once she has found her man.’”
“You have not found a man.”
~Tell him you are a Goddess Girl or you have found a boy.
“I have a man.”
~Will you bring your human self to me?
~If that is what works best for you.
~It is. It will be easier to explain.
About five minutes later he comes trotting around the side of the house. “This is Jakole, he is my man.”
“How is that possible?”
“He made me. Deal with it. Now will you take Father away?”
“Yah,” he sounds kind of fazed.
As soon as the officer is gone with Father he trots off and changes back, it becomes a question and answer session.
“Where did your man go?”
“How come you didn’t meet him before?”
“What is his name?”
“I don’t have a man,” I told them all.
“What?” they all ask at once. “Who was that then?”
“I’m a Goddess Girl.”
“That’s not possible!” Ham tells me.
“Yes, they are not real.”
“Why have I not met my man? Why am I so much better at school? ¿Por qué me capaz de luchar le todo tan bien? Sorry, why am I able to fight ya‘ll so well?”
“I don’t know!” Ham admits.
“It does answer all those questions. Except, who was that man?” Tim wonders aloud.
~Tell him it was an allusion. Do NOT tell him it was me!
~It will just make things more challenging.
~Can you come in here? I don’t like you being this far away. I feel empty.
~In a little. I did not know I would ever feel this way.
“He was an allusion, Goddess Girls can do magic.”
“But he touched Father,” said Lams.
“Hum, but what about the wolf?” asks Ben.
“He is mine!” I put a little too much force behind it.
“Alright,” says Mic defensively.
“Would you like to see him?”
“Yes!” says Terra, Lams girl.
“Okay, Jakole!” I shout.
~Jakole, come to me.
~What about the door? I can open it, but will that be too suspicious?
~No, I can do magic.
~You really can, actually.
The door swung open and he walked in. Red and brown. Amazing. Beautiful. “This is Jakole, my wolf.”
Ooos and ahhs sounded around me as he walked around the table. “Wow, I never see nothin’ like him befo,” Georgia does not take her eyes off Jakole as she snuggles farther into Joey. Jakole comes over and puts his head into my lap. Absently, I stroke his head and in my head he groans in pleasure, burying his head farther into my lap.
He is a big wolf. If I was standing, I could touch his back without reaching down. A little taller than that, so I don’t blame Georgia for being scared, she is only two years old.
“His hair is the same color as the allusion,” Hether tells me.
“I was thinking about him.” It is true, you were talking to me.
~That I was.
“Well it is,” I look at my watch, “ten-thirty, I am going to bed.”
“Would you like to sleep in my room?” Mic offers.
“No, I’ll stay in my room.”
“But—” Mic tries to protest.
“No, it is your room, and I will not take it from you, and don’t tell anyone what I told you tonight.” I walk off toward my room with Jakole on my heels.
~What happened to your bed?
~Why do you think Mic offered his? I never had one. It’s okay with me; I only ever slept on a bed when I was over with Ryan because I was hurt.
~Oh, I usually sleep outside.
~That’s okay, if you want to sleep out there, go ahead, but if you want to sleep in here with me you can do that to.
~I think there is always a first time for everything.
Jakole nudges me into my room, and sits down in the middle. I close the door and join him, my brothers and their girls know better than to open a closed door most the time.
~So what’s up?
I ask; whenever I don’t know what to say I always ask that.
~I always ask that when I don’t know what to say.
~So, how are you?
~I am better now. How are you?
~I’m OK. This really strange feeling is going on inside me though; I’ve never felt this way before.
~I’ve never felt this, this want.
~Never. I have never felt so alone, as I felt when you rejected me, or so alive, as I feel now.
~But what now?
~That is for the Goddess to answer.
~No, I mean right now.
~I see, I do not know.
~How about we talk about how you changed into a human?
~Once you accepted me I can do whatever you want or need me to do.
~Cool, but can I turn into a wolf?
~I do not know. Why do you not try?
~Just think as hard as you can about you and a wolf at the same time, or think about you in my shape.
I bring up an image of me and an image of a big wolf in my mind and focus on bringing me into the wolf.
~Katya! Open your eyes!
As I look at myself I see a wolf, it is brown, the color of my hair, milk chocolate brown. I am almost as big as Jakole, I am beautiful.
~Katya, Sacaw Hasla, you did it.
Jakole’s voice in my head sounded proud. You look incredible, like nothing else I have ever seen.
~You look more remarkable than me. I’m not kidding.
Jakole changes into a human.
~Try it again, but backwards.
I close my eyes and barely feel the change, when I open them I realize I forgot to think on clothes.
~Oops! I forgot about clothes! One sec.
~Katya, are you okay?
~You are covered in bruises!
~I have never seen someone with as many bruises, not alive anyway.
~I actually don’t have as many as usual.
As I look at my battered body, most my bruises are fresh, so I will look worse tomorrow, but I do not have any old bruises, so I am not as “colorful” as usual.
~How is that possible?
~Sometimes I wonder how I’m still alive too.
~I had no idea you had it that bad. Does it hurt?
~Not right now, it will when I touch it most likely.
I touch my thigh.
~Yup, not as bad as I thought it would though.
~I too, thought it would hurt more.
~I forgot my pain hurts you too, I’m sorry!
~Do not apologize. It is not your fault.
~Can I hear your voice?
“Why, it is just a voice.”
“It sounds like music to me.”
“Really? I thought the same about yours.”
“I think I know what this feeling is, it has been described to me many times. Love.”
~You might be right. It fits with what I feel.
~Same here, but I never knew they meant this. I’m goin’ to think on clothes now.
~Just imagine yourself in clothes.
I close my eyes and think myself into clothes.
~Oh, sh*t, you are clothes!
~CRAP! Um, let me try this again!
I think of myself in my body, wearing clothes.
~That is much better,
I think when I find myself in my own body.
~I have never heard of that happening!
~No kidding. I bet you would have warned me.
He sounded completely serious, I had to laugh.
~I’m sorry, you, just, after what happened, that just sounded too serious.
he sounded like he actually sounded like he understood what I had just said, your laugh is beautiful.
I look at my watch, its one forty-five in the morning, I don’t know about you, but I’m goin’ to bed.
~You do not have a bed.
~I mean that I’m goin’ to sleep.
~Oh, I’ll change and go outside.
~You can stay in here if you want.
~Yes, in either form, but I bet you’ll be more comfortable if you are in wolf form.
~Okay, I will change and stay in here?
~Sounds good to me.
I watched as Jakole changed in just a few seconds. As I lay down he pushes my head up and curls around me, I relax more so than I have ever been at night.
I wake with the sun pouring into my window, that’s odd, the sun only comes into my window in the afternoon. I think so anyway.
~You are correct; it is five in the afternoon.
Jakole’s mind-voice startles me, and then yesterdays memories come pouring back into my head.
~Of course, are you hungry? I am.
~Yah, I’m goin’ to take a shower though.
~I will wait here.
I stand up and walk out of the room and into the bathroom. I turn on the water and strip; I don’t bother waiting for the water to warm up before I step into the stream. I work through all the stiffness and try not to think, just calm down. Every time my mind wanders to Jakole, I start hyperventilating. I give up once the water goes cold again. Jakole stays silent.
“Time to eat?” asks the most beautiful voice in the world when I step into my room.
“As soon as I get dressed,” my thoughts go to the beautiful man by my side, as soon as they do, he looks over. “I’m ready, are you? We can go see my brother Ryan for breakfast, I usually do, or dinner, he eats late, but I doubt he will mind.”
“That is good enough for me, but in what form?”
“This one is fine, if you like my food. If not, you can change.”
“I will eat with you.”
“Okay, let’s go,” I walk out the door of my room and all my brothers stare at me. “What?”
“Sorry, we just are not used to a guy walking out of your room after you, heck, we aren’t used to you walking out of there half the time,” explains Tim.
“Jakole, this is Isal and Ollie, Tim and Danielle, Raz and Rillie, Jack and Jill, Ham and Sara, George and Haly, Modle and Hether, Yar and Fernanda, Ben and Bes, Asum and Tal, Mic and Tally, Lams and Terra, Paul and Zoe, and Joey and Georgia. They are all of my brothers that still live here.”
“Wait,” says Asum, “Jakole? Isn’t that the name of your wolf?”
“Yes, I call the illusion that, I based him off what I think he would look like if he were a human. Is that a problem?”
“No!” shouts Zoe.
“Hum, well we’re going over to Ryan’s. We’ll see ya’ll later.” As I walk out, I feel all their eyes on my back. “So, ready to meet Ryan?”
“Yes, that sounds fine.”
“Well, here we go,” I warn, “it may be dangerous.”
“How so?” he asks with real skepticism in his voice.
“Oh, don’t worry; he has a gun in his coat-closet.”
“I will protect you.”
“I don’t need protection. If he tries to shoot anyone it will be you,” I state with a voice that brooks no argument. We stay silent for about ten steps.
“What should we tell him?” Jakole finally asks.
“I think we should tell him the truth?”
“I think that is what we should do; at least, I do not have any bad feelings about it.”
“Alright,” I say as I walk up to the door and hit the bell.
“Hello!” Lilian exclaims.
“Hi, Lilian, I was wondering if we could join you for dinner?”
“Sure, we would love that. You can also introduce us to your man here.”
“I will be done in ten minutes, Ryan is watching television.”
“Thank you for inviting us,” Jakole tells Lilian. I lead us off into the other room.
~’Kay, you need to act like you are an illusion.
~I understand, I will act, not like my wolf self, but like a human that is very protective of you. I am protective of you anyway though.
~That is alright, get ready, he is around the corner.
Jakole walks in front of me and takes up a protective stance as we round the corner.
“Hay bro, we’re joining you for dinner.”
“He—who is he?” Ryan is instantly suspicious.
~Plan B, pretend you are an overprotective man, my man!
~I forgot, the Goddess told me not to tell too many people, and he will never believe us.
All this takes about two seconds.
“Ryan, this is my man, Jakole.”
“What?” he asks, incredulous.
“I am Jakole, you must be Ryan.”
“Yes, but how can this be, where have you been all her life?”
“My parents said they could not support two kids, so they kept me at home all my life, until recently, my father passed away. So I came out to find a job.”
“So, you found her when?”
“As I was walking by yesterday I spotted her walking home, I knew she was the one as soon as my eyes touched her, she was watching me.” All of a sudden a wave of craving sweeps over me. I need to touch him, hold him, be held by him. Instead, I walk over and take his hand.
“Finally I understand what love feels like,” I tell Ryan. “I finally understand, but I’m still wearing pants.”
“Dinner is ready!” Lilian exclaims from the doorway.
“Thank you, Lilian,” Ryan tells her as he gets up to walk into the dining room.
“This way, Jakole,” I say gesturing toward the door. I walk off after Lilian, keeping our hands twined. “Lilian, what are we having?”
“I made breakfast for dinner, eggs, bacon, orange juice, pancakes, and all the fixings.”
“Yum, I love your cooking, and I love bacon.” Hope you enjoy it.
~What is bacon?
~Pig cut into strips and fried in grease.
~Okay, sounds, good?
“Jakole, sit by me,” I tow him to one side of the table and sit down next to him while Lilian and Ryan sit across from us. “Can I say grace?”
“Why yes sweetie,” Lilian tells me.
“Thank the God and Goddess for our food and family, and finally uniting Jakole and I. Amen.”
“Thank you, Katya.”
“Sure, can you pass the pancakes?” I ask Ryan who is sitting across from me. Silently, he hands them to me. “Thanks.” We lapse into an awkward silence for a few minutes.
“What are you two going to do tonight?” Lilian finally breaks the silence.
“I was thinkin’ of callin’ all my brothers over for a fight, Jakole doesn’t believe I can fight most of ya’ll at the same time. Want to join, Ryan?”
“Um, sure, sounds like fun, I still find it hard to believe you are that much better than us.” I hear Jakole laugh.
“Hay, you can join in tonight too. Oh yah, Ryan, when do I get my cast off?”
“I can take it off now, it should be healed by now,” he tells me.
“Cool, after we finish? That way I can fight with it, it is a lot easier to fight without being handicapped.”
“I am full, thank you Lilian, it was wonderful,” Jakole breaks in.
“I’m almost done,” I assure him, I eat the last of my bacon.
“I’ll do the dishes and start calling all of your brothers that don’t live at home anymore.”
“Thank you Lilian,” I tell her. “Let’s go Ryan!”
“Okay, to my office.” I lead the way there with Jakole on my heels. I jump up onto the bed and pat it in invitation until Jakole comes and sits by me, taking my left hand in his.
“This might hurt a little, but not as much as last time.”
“I know, I know, I’ve had broken bones before,” I remind him. He walks over and starts taking off my cast, it does not hurt at all.
Lilian walks in, “They are all going to be over there in twenty minutes, Ryan, you better go get ready.”
“We’ll go get my brothers next door ready for the fight,” I tell them as I stand up then run out toward my house.
“Why are we running?” Jakole asks when we are about halfway to my house.
~To get there faster.
~Hum that makes since.
We slow down to a walk just before we walk inside. All my brothers look towards my entrance. “’Kay, two things, one, don’t tell anyone that I am a Goddess Girl. Two, would anyone like to join a fight, all of our other brothers are going to be here in fifteen minutes.”
“That sounds fun and why?” Tim asks.
“Because I need it to stay a secret, please! If you want to join the fight, be outside in fifteen, and girls can stay and watch if they want.”
“Okay, I’ll be there,” Tim says.
“Cool, I’m going to go warm up.” I run into the bathroom and grab a hair tie and jog outside. As I warm up Jakole stares, watching.
“Why don’t you warm up with me, or are you not goin’ to join the fight?”
“I will join the fight, but why do you warm up?”
“If we warm up it loosens our muscles.”
~Why, you do not warm up before a battle.
~But, if you warm up now, you help your muscles get strong faster.
“Oh, that makes since,” he agrees as he walks over to warm up with me. After about five more minutes my brothers start arriving and doing some stretches while waiting for each other. Once everyone gets here I have them line up so I can have Jakole meet them all.
“Age order, please!” I complain as they all shuffle around. “Okay, Ryan, you have already met, should I introduce girls?”
“No, I doubt I will be able to even remember your brothers’ names.”
“OK, Ryan, Bazzer, Udel, Jam, Zach, Zakeo, Tac, Zack, Loo, Ket, Taz, Fred, Fread, Danny, Pen, Art, Cal, Nole, Mose, Ken, Letle, Yom, Mike, Hes, Isal, Tim, Raz, Jack, Ham, George, Modle, Yar, Ben, and Asum. Everyone, this is Jakole. Oh, and the others, Lams, Mic, Paul, and Joey, are watching, I don’t want to hurt them.”
“Now that you have introduced us, will you let us fight? I still have to get back for the last time you flipped me,” Ham tells me.
“Okay, let’s go!” I walk into the middle of the front yard, the neighbors like to come and watch sometimes. “Rules, no weapons, I can always tap out, stop if I pass out, once I hurt you, you’re out so stand with the onlookers, when I tap out—or pass out—, if you want to and are up to it you can rejoin the fight.”
“Alright, we get it,” Taz tells me.
“Hay, Jakole has never fought with me before, oh, and you aren’t allowed to hit each other. Go!” They all start to converge, three or four coming at me at a time. I duck to avoid a punch and sweep my leg, knocking the legs out from under all of the first four. They drop back and stand with the onlookers. Ham comes up from behind, trying to get a choke hold. I flip him and knock the feet out from under Ryan. Two more fall into their places so I’m left with four opponents again. I punch Taz in the gut, he topples over in pain and I put my foot behind Tim’s feet and pull them out with a little push to his front. I knock the last two’s heads together sending them stumbling back. Seven of them come trying to get the advantage; I do one of those fast, showoff type moves, pulling it at the last second so I will not hurt any of them permanently.
I have only one opponent left, all my brothers are standing together on the sidewalk. Jakole stands across from me, hesitant, like he is not sure what to do. He approaches slowly. He takes up stance and tells me to come closer with his body, no words have been said by anyone the whole fight except Ham muttering about getting flipped again and the occasional swear word from my brothers. Predator verses predator. Goddess Girl verses Goddess Boy. Me verses Jakole. Everything else fades away; it is only me and Jakole. I shake my head and, using my body, tell him to approach. He walks forward again, and then stops, still five feet away. He runs and jumps. My mind slows down, as if everything is happening in slow motion. He lands just in front of me because I had taken two steps back. He is still recovering when I knock him over.
“I win!” I say as Jakole falls back, looking at me. I pull him up to his feet. “Did you have fun?” I ask him.
~Out loud, my brothers!
“Yes,” he tells me, “you think we could spar, or wrestle, sometime?”
“Sure, whenever,” I tell him.
“Now? I am not hurt, are you?”
“No, I’m up for it, I don’t get to spar or wrestle very often, my brothers say they get hurt more when I do that. What one? Spar or wrestle, we can do the other later.”
“Wrestle in ten?”
“Sounds good to me, but do you believe me now about being able to beat my brothers?”
“Yes,” Jakole confirms.
“You know, she could injure us a lot more if she wanted to. She just doesn’t because she knows we would never fight with her again if she did,” Modle states.
“Yah, and some of us have been hurt by her before, and I don’t want to do that again,” Ham puts in.
“And one of us doesn’t like being talked about like she isn’t here,” I stare at Ham and Modle until they look away.
Chpt. 3 (Changes)
“Are you ready now? Or do you still want to talk with my brothers? Do you want to postpone this? That would be too bad,” I ask with disappointment coloring my voice.
“No, I am ready. Let us go and wrestle!” Jakole smiles at something. I walk two steps toward him.
“Top or bottom?”
~Top or bottom, umm, wrestling positions.
~Just a warning, it’s harder to win from bottom.
“Bottom!” he says with conviction.
“Only rules, one, no breaking bones or killing, two, there are tap outs.” I send him a mental image of what position he needs to get into. He gets into position with me.
“Go!” Bazzer shouts. I grab Jakole into a strangle hold as soon as Bazzer is finished saying go. I tighten my hold and he rolls over. I can tell now, he is not one for tapping out. He finally goes limp and I let go. I stand up and Lilian runs over.
“He’s okay,” she states, I knew that, but no one else did. Jakole’s eyes open.
“Man alive, girl, you are strong!”
“You should have picked top.”
“Yah, I figured that out.”
“Why didn’t you tap out?”
“I thought I could get out of it. I was wrong.”
“Ready to go again?”
“Yah, I’ll take bottom this time,” I tell him, more for his sake than mine. We get into position again and this time I get away before he can do to me what I did to him. I have the most fun I have had in years, we are pretty evenly matched, each round is long, but I still win them all.
As I pin him again I decide to continue later. “Okay, we can do some more later.”
“Alright, sounds like a plan.”
“Did you actually enjoy that?” Ham asks incredulously.
“Yes, I did. I’ve never been beaten in a fight or wrestling match,” Jakole says truthfully. I smile at the fact that I made him happy.
~You have made me happy since you accepted me.
~You’ve made me very happy too. I love you.
~You are my world.
He thought simply.
“Well, I’m ready to go to bed,” Zakeo says turning away with his girl and heading home.
“See you later Zakeo,” I call after him. Turning to the rest of my brothers I say, “I’ll see ya’ll later too. We’re heading inside.”
“Isn’t that for your man to decide?” Zack asks me.
“No, she can make any decisions she wants,” Jakole answers for me.
~I rather have you, not a puppy that follows me around and sits when I tell it to. If I wanted that, I would go buy a dog.
“You are amazing,” I am going to tell them what I just told you.
~If I wanted you to comply with my every command I would get a dog!
“I rather have Katayla, not a puppy that follows me around and sits when I tell it to. If I wanted that I would get a dog.”
“I feel the same way,” I tell them, “but I’m goin’ inside now, and I’m not going to buy a dog.”
“See you tomorrow, Katya!” some of my brothers say while others say, “Good night, Katya!” or “See you later, Katya!” I go inside with Jakole close on my heels. When we get into my— our— room, he puts a hand on my shoulder and spins me around to look at him. His face is torn with emotion.
“Jakole, what’s wrong?”
“It’s just that, well, never mind,” he looks away embarrassed.
~What is it?
~Well, I was wondering.
~You were wondering…?
~If love and lust fell into the same category for you.
Now it was my turn to be embarrassed, Well—
~Oh, I was just wondering.
~No, that’s not what I meant. I never wanted that, never wanted to— I’ve never had sex on purpose. I’ve been forced before, by Father, and, um, a guy named Jeff. I had tried to get away, but others caught and held me,
I shiver at the memory.
~That is so wrong!
~Not to most people, I was alone, I had no man, they were bored, and their girls were all the way back at their homes.
~It still is not right.
~Why were you wondering?
~Well, I have never had sex.
~I was wondering, if you were ever wishing that that had not happened.
~Well, yes. It was terrible and not at all a happy experience.
~Well, I was wondering, can you change into other animals?
He changed into a cat, a house cat, but once again, he is red and brown. I can only change now that I’ve joined with you, I used to only have my wolf, but now I can be whatever suits you best. Just like you can.
~I can, wait, the same way I turned into a wolf, right?
~Cool, I can’t wait to try, but I’m so tired I might just go to sleep and try in the morning.
He changed back into a wolf and I relaxed against him again.
“Katya? Katya?” I hear Jakole say. My eyes open and I see him looking down at me, his eyes full of concern.
“What?” I sound a little snappier then I mean to.
“Sorry, you were just tossing and turning, you were griping my fur with an unbreakable grip. Then you went limp. I didn’t know what to do.” He stares at me with concern. Then he picks me up and hugs me. “You can go back to sleep, you still have two hours till you need to get up for school.”
“Thank you, but you can’t come to school, otherwise I can’t go.”
“You get to go, I’m not going to learn, and I will stay out of sight.”
“All right, see you in two hours.” I lean against him and fall asleep.
“Time to get up.” His voice rumbles in his chest making my head vibrate. It feels so good I pretend to still be asleep. “Katya, come on.”
“Fine, I’m up.” I hop up and decide to try to get dressed with magic. I close my eyes and imagine myself naked, then, with different clothes on. I open my eyes, “Cool, it worked.”
“Good job!” Jakole smiles at me.
“Let’s go eat.”
“I need to stay hidden.”
“You can eat, and then hide.” I walk out of my room and into the kitchen. “Hay guys, what’s up?” I get out some cereal.
“Not much,” Tim tell me. We all get ready for school and are about to leave before Ham finally speaks.
“Katya, you still go to school?”
“Yes, ya’ll know that he is an illusion, and he’s goin’ to stay out of sight ‘till after school.”
“Huh, well, let’s go then.”
In myths and legends I turn in all my missing work, just like in every other class, but Mr. Dot decides to show my paper on the overhead. I read it, thinking about how wrong it is.
By: Katayla Hallers
God has created a superior race where men create the women, and the women obey the men, but the Goddess sometimes creates a few girls. The Goddess Girls do not obey God’s Men. There are many theories of why the Goddess Girls do not obey, including that the Goddess herself has taken away their ability to see how perfect God’s Men are.
Since God’s Men are perfect, I am betting this is why the Goddess Girls do not obey. When God makes girls, He lets the boys design them. Thus, when the girl and the one who created her see each other they connect in such a way that they could not even think about leaving each other for someone else. The Goddess Girls do not have that because they do not have boys. That is what takes away their ability to see how perfect men are. Why would the Goddess do that? Maybe She did not want the world to be God’s perfect creation. Yes, She creates the animals and some of the plants, but why does She stain the humans with Goddess Girls?
Maybe She wants to cause problems. Maybe She thinks that will help us. No one knows what Her real reason is, but we can speculate. Some people think that it is because they have some power to resist what men say, but I think it is because the Goddess does not allow them to see how perfect and amazing men really are. If you ask me that is one of the big things that She messed up, but I bet the men will be able to find some way to make the Goddess Girls listen.
After reading it, he stamps it with an A stamp. Cool! I actually got an A! That’s a first for this class.
~Oh, he’s a bogus grader, if I had written the truth I would have gotten an F-minus.
The rest of the day was rather bland, until I got to math class. Mr. Sanders takes my late homework and lets me go sit down at the back of the class.
“So Katya, you’re finally back. Where’ve ya’ been?” Jeff asks.
“I’ve been so bored without you here, no one to make fun of. So sad,” Tylor tells me.
“OK, today we are going over…” Mr. Sanders starts the lesson. After class I’m copying down my homework.
“So Katya, I’ve missed you in class, why not have some fun?” Mr. Sanders wonders, raising one eyebrow.
“Yes, Katya, why not let us have some fun?” Dan wants to know. I finish copying my homework.
“Why don’t you let me have some fun? Meet me out front if you want to have some real fun, fighting.” At that a growl dances through my head. Was that an agreement or a disagreement?
~Agreement, beat them, make them hurt.
I walk out of the school and set down my blue backpack by a bush. Quince tonto rameras, fifteen idiotic b*tches, I think. They are going to pay! “I would advise putting down your stuff.” They put down their stuff and start to come after me.
“Sorry, they were pissing me off!”
“That doesn’t mean you should have hurt them that bad!” Ryan nearly shouts as he is rapping my arm, my only injury, and it was from falling on a rock dragging Dan off of me.
“Sorry,” I say meekly. “Forgive me?”
“Of course, you are the sister I know the best, and, don’t tell our brothers, but, my favorite sibling. Plus, you are a good person to get along with and have on my side, too. I love you; I can't ever stay mad at you.” He smiles and gives a one shouldered shrug. With that he pats my arm and helps me down from the desk in his office because the other rooms of the house all had my class mates in them, and my teacher. Oops!
~Is he almost done?
~I’m on my way Jakole. I’m coming out now.
I walk out into the living room and get hostile glances; I ignore them and keep walking. I get outside and Jakole runs over to give me a hug, swinging me around and around. Good job, sweetie!
I knew I was starting to use the mind speech thing more, and I was definitely getting more comfortable with it. It was kind of odd, I was hearing him even when everything else is silent sometimes. Also, the switching back and forth was weird because of the two different kinds of hearing. “See you guys later, we’re headed next door,” I tell my siblings that were at Ryan’s and lean on Jakole as we walk off.
~I wish I had been able to help.
~It’s probably better that you didn’t.
He sounded hurt.
~Because this way less people know about you.
~Ahh, D*mn it!
Jakole is immediately ready to defend me.
~I just realized that I have to go to the children’s meeting, and I’m supposed to be there in seven minutes, but you can’t come!
I frown, and look up at him. I wish I didn’t have to go, but unless I say you are my man then I have to by law.
~Oh, I’m so sorry Sacaw Hasla, you can tell people that but then you can’t go to school any more.
~Well, all that I would miss is finals and I wouldn’t really mind being done with those jerks from school, and these meetings are supper boring since it is just little kids and me, and all they do is run around trying to see everyone.
~How about you go to this one and we can talk the whole time? Does that sound better?
~Yes, but I still don’t want to go!
~You can do it, just one night.
~Fine, I almost wish I was hurt worse!
~Go to your stupid thing and it will be over soon enough.
~Okay, I guess, you’ll talk to me the whole time?
I sound desperate to my own ears.
~Yes, I promise.
I start jogging toward the meeting center as Jakole walks the rest of the way to my room and shuts the door.
“Name please,” the short man that was standing by the door says.
“Really Theo? You have got to be kidding me!” I say exasperated.
“Just kidding, Katya. What have you been up to of late that you haven’t been into town, let alone the Children’s Meeting?” Theo was actually a friend of mine; he just had an odd since of humor.
“I’ve been at Ryan’s house,” I say, he would know what I meant although why he was asking was kind of odd. He knew better than almost anyone that I skip the children’s meeting sometimes.
“Oh, that makes more since, I’m not used to you missing quite so many.” Ahh, that’s why he asked, I might miss a few, but not weeks in a row.
“Yah, it sucked, but that’s life, for me.” I ponder that unfairness as I walk in.
~I hate these things!
~How come you hate them so much?
~I’m walking around with everyone trying to look at me and everyone else! It’s so aggravating! All the little kids walking around me just looking! God and Goddess! I hate it so much, why do I have to deal with it?
~Just this once, remember?
~Yah, yah. It just pisses me off!
~So what do you want to talk to me about?
~I don’t know! Ugh!
~Calm down, Sacaw Hasla. Don’t worry, you are doing fine. Just this one more time.
~I know, I’m sorry. Forgive me?
~Of course! How could I not? You are my Sacaw Hasla!
~Well…that doesn’t mean that you might not forgive me.
~I will always forgive you.
~Yes, now don’t worry, calm down and just go through with the meeting.
~Okay thank you.
Boys continue walking around and looking every girl in the eyes. I just sit there ignoring all the boys until I hear a shrill cry.
“It’s her! It’s her! She is my girl!” A boy stands in front of me, jumping up and down. I feel nothing but the usual disgust of seeing another boy that thinks he is perfect.
“What? That’s not true; I’m not your girl!” I state.
“Yes you are!” he argues.
“No I’m not, if I were, you would be my age!” I argue back.
“No, that’s not true! I just wanted an older girl, so I postponed my birth!”
“If I were your girl then I would feel attached to you, I don’t!”
~I need you! In human form, I need you to be my man!
~A little boy thinks that he is my man!
“You don’t because of the postponement of meeting me.”
“No! That’s not true! No! I know it’s not, it can’t be!”
“Because, because, because, that’s not the way it works! It’s not! No!”
“If he says you are his girl then go, now!” I adult man’s voice says from the side.
“But he isn’t my man!”
Just then, the door bursts open and Jakole walks in, his hair every shade of red and brown. Our eyes connect. “I have just found my man.” I say, slightly stunned, I never knew I could ever be so happy to say those words, true or not.
~You may not be my man, but you will always be my Sacaw Hasla and the only man for me. I, I love you.
~I know how you feel, our bond might be different, but it is also stronger, Sacaw Hasla. I love you too.
“I told you!” I hear the boy smiling. “I knew you would just take a few minutes to get used to the connection before you would acknowledge it!”
“Not you, you idiota!” I say as Jakole makes his way over to me, our gazes still locked.
“What do you mean? Look at me!” He screams.
“No,” I say, still looking at Jakole.
“What? You will listen to me, I am your man!” He reaches over and pulls my head strait so that I can see nothing but him.
The other man jumps back into the conversation, “You will go home with him tonight and sleep with him, if you still doubt his words, you can come back here.” I see the boy smirk.
“That will not be necessary,” I hear a new voice interrupt. I turn back to that voice almost immediately. “I am her man and that is final.”
“I am the boss here and I say what goes, she will spend a night with him!”
“No!” I say, stepping into Jakole’s body. He raps his arms around me and pulls me closer to his body. I look up at his face and I am taken aback at the feelings that course through me. Feeling swamp my system in return. I turn in his arms, put my arms around his neck and pull him down as I lean up as high as I can on my toes. I gently press my lips to his and kiss him. Immediately, he starts to kiss me back. His arms tightening around my waist and lifting me off my feat so that he is no longer leaning down. He bites at my lower lip and growls in my head.
I hear someone clear their throat and he releases me, breathing heavily. My gaze snaps to the man who had interrupted us. It was the ‘boss’ of the facilities.
“I can see who you believe is the holder to your bond, but, Katya, who are you to choose? A girl? That, and,” he shifts his gaze to Jakole, “who are you?”
“I am Jakole and I was just a farm boy, my father didn’t have money to raise two kids so he kept me away from town, I came today so that I could see what the town was like, I had heard of these meetings and decided to see if my forgotten girl was here.”
“It makes more since that it be you anyway, she is your age anyway.” ‘Boss’ allows.
“Thank you for your understanding, we will be going now.” I interrupt. Everyone but Jakole's eyes snap down to me.
“That is not for you to decide anymore.” A snarl rips through my mind, for once; it came from me, not Jakole.
“She can make any decisions she wants,” Jakole growls.
‘Boss’ takes a step back, away from us before responding, “Okay, that’s fine.”
“But she is mine! MINE, mine, mine! My girl! God help me get her back!” the original boy screamed. The next second, Jakole had him up against the wall, arm across his throat.
“She is mine and you will stay away from her. Do you understand?” Jakole asked with venom in his voice. The boy nodded slowly. “Good, now leave her alone!”
“Okay,” he sighed in defeat as Jakole released him. Jakole came back over to me and we walked out together. We paused at the door and Theo had a message.
“He told me to tell you, ‘This is not the last you’ve seen of me, Nick!’”
“Whatever, talk to you later?”
“Yah, you gonna start wearing skirts?” he asked.
“No way in hell!” I tell him.”
“Interesting, I’ll talk to you later,” he agrees to my earlier statement.
“Cool,” I say walking away with Jakole at my back while I mentally ranted about Nick. How could he do that? He is such a lying bastard! He should get over himself; no girl should have to put up with him! ¡El es tal trabajo! God and Goddess! He needs to go die in a hole!
~Calm yourself, you are okay now, you are with me.
I think, my anger instantly dissolving, I was just fuming.
~It’s okay, just calm.
I glanced over at him to see him watching me, when I meet his eyes a smile lightens his face. “Come on, let’s get home,” he says quietly. I nod in agreement, tugging at his hand. We start to jog, then run, and finally sprint the rest of the way home.
When we walk in side my brothers that live at home are sitting around the room.
“What’s up guys?” I ask casually.
“Not much, what about you?” Ham responds.
“Ehh, I just got claimed by some freak named Nick who was saying I was his girl, so not much really.”
“What?” Tim screams, and gets a bunch of shushes from his brothers who don’t want their girls to get woken up.
“Ehh, what are you screamin’ about?” I asked, covering my ears.
“You got claimed!” he says exasperatedly. “And, you denied the claim!”
“And? He was way younger than me and I didn’t feel anything for him. He was lying!” I say in a bored tone.
“Denying the claim is unheard of! No one would lie about it!” Tim argues.
“Well I did and he did! Jakole came in and claimed me so now I guess I can’t go to school, but I won’t have to live with him anyway!” I say, trying to be enthusiastic.
Everyone looked as if they were in shock, I didn’t understand what their problem was. I looked back at Jakole, but he looked just as confused as I was.
“But you may have just pushed away your maker!” Modle argues.
“Why don’t you guys see! He wasn’t my maker! He was a little boy that wanted to claim me because I was good looking and older! He was lying!” I scream, frustrated that they hadn’t listened to me. “I’m a Goddess Girl! Not one of those people that get claimed!”
“But what if you’re wrong?” Yar argues.
“Why can’t you just except that I’m not one of those girls that get claimed, my only maker is the Goddess, why can’t you just acknowledge that?” I shriek, my voice making Jakole’s ears ring which causes my ears to ring as well.
“But maybe you are wrong!” Tim says harshly.
“I’m not!” I tell him, sure that I was right.
“What did the boss say to you denying the claim?” George questions, seeking for more information.
“That I should spend one night with him and if I still didn’t feel it, I could deny it,” I tell them strait out, “but then Jakole came and got him to deal with it.”
“We are going to go to bed, she can talk more in the morning,” Jakole says before someone can respond.
I ask as he shuffles me off toward my room.
~Because you need sleep and I was getting annoyed with the argument.
he tells me truthfully while shutting my door. He turns his back to let me change as he uses magic to do the same thing, seeing him use it, I do as well. The difference was, he was changing forms, not into night clothes but I lie down with him, my head on his side and him curled around me. I quickly fall asleep, my mind not wandering for a minute.
I was wandering down a hill with Jakole at my side smiling down at me. We had made it down the hill and were in a meadow, when I hear an ear piercing scream and people come out of the surrounding forest from all directions with swards flailing and shields up. One of them comes from behind and nearly slices off my head, but Jakole takes the blow and it goes straight into his heart. Everything seems to go in slow motion as he pulls the blade out and the blood gleams in the sunlight. The life giving fluid runs down Jakole’s shirt as he slowly collapses, his eyes locked on me, his last thought about my safety. As soon as I see his eyes glaze over with the milky sheen of death, my vision starts to turn red, the same dark color as his blood, not that light red sheen that people say covers their vision, but dark, thick, blood red. My power rises up from somewhere deep inside me and blasts across the field. All the people coming in to attack me fell to the ground in a bright flash, imploding so that there was nothing left. Falling down beside Jakole, my vision comes clear again and I see his eyes stuck open and glazed in the milky white film as he slowly reverts to his original form, and as he does, I slowly shift too. Once the change was complete, I let out a howl of pure agony and pain that is answered from all directions and even in my wolf form, I start to cry and then, slowly, to sob.
Jakole’s voice breaks into my mind, but that is impossible, he just died.
~KATYA! Wake up!
his voice inters my head again, this time yelling. My eyes peel themselves open only to find myself in my room with Jakole staring worriedly down at me.
“Jakole?” I ask, not quite sure if he was real, I reach out to touch him and my hand lands on solid skin, I throw my arms around him and cry into his chest, extremely glad he was still alive. He tried to pull me off of him but I would not have it and clung to him with all my strength.
“Are you okay?” he asked me worriedly.
“You were dead,” I manage through sobs.
“It’s okay, I’m not dead, I’m fine, do not worry. Sacaw Hasla, calm, it’s okay,” he soothes me. I start to calm down and relax against him at his insistent tone. With me still not letting go, he hoists me up and walks into the kitchen and tries to set me on the counter but I continues to grip him with all my might. He sighs and walks to the fridge to grab some orange juice and pouring the last of it into a glass for me. He presses it to my lips. I refuse to take it into my mouth, keeping my lips pressed tightly together. He sighs again and swallows the juice.
~What ever happened to your mother? I knew he was just trying to get my mind off the dream.
~She got taken away at the same time as Father, you know that.
I looked at his chest that was right in front of me, though it was covered by a shirt. I snuggled deeper into its warmth.
It had been a week since the dream, a week since I had slept, a week since the Children’s Meeting, and a week since I had eaten or had anything to drink save water. I sat with my head on Jakole’s lap—I had not separated from him all week either—on a couch in the house. He was staring down at me, his face full of concern. He did not know that I had spent much longer without food than this; I could last for a couple of years with only a handful of meals.
My brother Ryan barged in the door, “Why has she not been eating?” he demanded of Jakole.
“Or speaking?” Jakole asked dryly. “Why don’t you see if she will answer you?”
~It doesn’t matter.
I thought to Jakole, did I mention I had not talked other than on Jakole’s and my silent connection?
“Katayla Lemo Hallers, are you going to talk to me?” Ryan asked, peering into my eyes. I make no move to respond but settle deeper into Jakole’s lap and turn so my face is pressed into his stomach. “Katayla! Why won’t you talk to me?” Ryan commanded harshly.
I closed my eyes and pressed my face harder into Jakole who had not moved.
“Okay, pick her up and bring her to mine and I’ll give her a drip to sustain her until she decides to eat and respond.”
I feel Jakole glance down at me and rap my arms around his waist, holding on as if life depended on it, because in my world, it did. He shifted to get up but I made no heed of this, still clinging tightly to him. He places an arm around my legs and jerks me off of his lap. As a result, my hands fall loose and I quickly scramble for a hold on him. My hands quickly restrict behind his head and hold on tightly.
I stare up at him as he lopes toward the door that Ryan was holding open and into the cold air of the early morning. The sun was just rising, turning the sky bright colors of orange and pink. I shielded away from the light and vibrant sun that was just starting to pull above the horizon. I tucked my face into Jakole’s chest.
I hear a door open and a wave of warmth so I peek up from Jakole’s shirt only to see bright, florescent lights shining down on me. I turn my face again and snuggle into Jakole's arms. Just seconds later I feel warm fingers tugging gently on my arms around his neck. I tighten my grip, pulling myself ever closer.
I shout into Jakole’s head and he stumbled before regaining his feet. I had been blocking all energy transfer between us and thoughts not directly ‘said’ but a little of my stress had leaked through with that one word. I was shaking in his arms and he pulled me closer.
~It’s okay; he needs your arm for the drip.
~No! I don’t need a drip, I can last much longer than this without eating, I’ve done it before. I’m not even hungry yet, so make him leave me alone!
~Katya, Sacaw Hasla, please, just let him do this, it will put us both at ease.
~I’ll eat; just don’t let him put me to sleep! Please, don’t make me let go of you!
~Yes, you need it!
~Please! I can’t handle it! I beg.
~Yes! You are going to let him do what he will and go to sleep!
I plead, tears forming in my eyes.
~Please, I’ll eat and just please!
~You will have to tell him that.
I growl before raising my head once again.
“Stop, I’ll eat,” I ground out, defeated. My voice was raw and scratchy from lack of use.
“You talked!” Jakole says, so surprised that his hands fall to his sides and I start to lose my grip before falling to the floor. My back impacts the ground and my vision starts to go blurry. I gasp for breath and do not make a sound. Ryan just stands there, looking at where I was when I spoke and Jakole does the same.
Texte: This is aThis is copyright to S. L. Zeigler i.e. me.
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 01.01.2011
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This is not finshed!!! I will be PISSED if I find this story line ANYWHERE and will take you to court if it is!!!