"Mother always said "you can do no wrong . . . the world is your playground.' Oh, mother." I watched as a smile slowly crept on his face, a light of pleasure dancing in his eyes. "how right you are."
I clenched my pen, unnerved by the pure pleasure that vibrated through his voice. my only thought was of the people who had been killed, mangled or traumatized by this man . . . no not a man, a monster. I shouldn’t think this way, I am a doctor. . . I know he is sick, he is a man traumatized by the life he was given. My job was to understand him. To find out what made him tick and if possible. Get him to understand what he did as ‘The Joker’, was wrong and can not happen again.
Though I was one in a long line of doctors that tried to help this man. Twelve to be exact, that’s how many Doctors had come before me, that’s how many had failed, been injured, or in the case of Dr. Phillip Harris killed themselves, after trying to help this man.
Now with me, it would make thirteen . . . not knowing what he would do to top what he did to his last doctor I was a little on edge. And from what I’ve researched, he’s made a game of it and I like the others, would not be an exception.
I would be a toy in the playground his mother had made us out to be.
I took a deep breath knowing that what I was about to do was far from what we were told to do in school. But in my defense, after a review on pass work with him. It was only when doctors lost their cool with him, they are said to make some real progress with him. “Your lying,” I said lightly tapping my pen against my notepad. I could see it, the twitch in his four head, the way his green eyes slightly became more narrow.
“Really and what makes you say that.” The smile never faded from his face, but I could see it right there, behind that pale smiling face. . . . he wanted to hit me.
No this wasn’t my fear of him talking, this was body language. Something that a child, who grow up in a truly hostile environment could understand.
Knowing it would only anger him more I lightly mumbled an ‘I see’ and then wrote it on the paper three times. “And how does that make you feel?” Again a small moment, but this time more than one, and not just in his face. He was going to wait till my guard was down when he didn’t think I'd see it coming. Lucky for me he was locked up behind a glass cage. So the worse he could do was give me a 'B' movie jump scare. The Joker as he called himself, dropped his head and leaned forward in his seat. A seat placed right in front of the glass wall between us. I knew it was so we would stay in eye contact. It was clear he wanted to find my weakness. Or a way to make me feel uncomfortable. “I’m not one to be trifled with child.” His voice dropped in tone, no more of the happy high pitched voice of a maniacal maniac. But now the voice of what I believe to be an evil genius.
“There you are . . .” I smirked at him, then letting him slowly look up at me again. The same smile that never seems to leave his face, looked up at me. “Let me make my intentions very clear ‘Mr. J’, I intend to expose you for what you really are.”
“And what is that my dear.” He moved to the edge of his seat now, his eyes going big with joy, I couldn’t fully understand. “A beast that should have been put down years ago.” The look of joy as quickly as it came faded. The smile he now had could only be put simply as boredom. Showing he had heard it all before.
“let me guess, I’m incurable and-."
“Oh no Mr. J, your perfectly sane and I aim to prove that.” The pause he gave was theatrical at best, but the laugh that rumbled throughout the room was real. It was real and truly pleasure filled. His laugh went on and on, so much so that I began to question, if I should have chosen this way to try and get something out of him. “You couldn’t truly mean that.” Abruptly stopping his laugh, just as quickly as he had started it, the Joker jumped from his seat and walked all the way to the glass. His eyes intensely watching me.
Reaching in my bag I pulled out one of his files. A file his last doctor Phillip had written a few weeks before he killed himself. Opening it up to the last page I began to read it to him. “I see now that the man known only as Joker, is a man controlled purely by logic and reason. Hiding behind the illusion of uncontrollable madness. At first, I wondered if it was multiple personality disorder, but now I'm sure that the joker is nothing, but a man wearing the mask of whatever we give him.” I closed the folder and placed it back in my bag.
“It's clear that your doctor before me saw something others didn’t, or maybe wouldn't see, I’m not sure which, but I do know that whatever he figured out you killed him for it.”
“Hahahaha close but not quite.” There was a beeping noise just above our heads then, cutting off any future discussion. (Dr. Quinzel please report to my office.) I smiled wondering what took them so long. To find out that I was speaking with the Joker. "Well, I'd say it's been interesting... .but I'd be lying."
I grabbed my things and no longer paying the man in the cage before me any attention. This was a mistake, the Joker didn’t let slip. The bang that filled the room had me jumping back, my hand going to my chest.
What I saw had me fearing that maybe I was wrong, that maybe he was as mad as they say he was. What man in his right mind, would bang his head against the glass, just so he could use the blood to draw a clown's grin on his face.
"I'd tell you to stay away, but you won't." He turned from me then, his tone one of boredom. "At the end of the day your nothing more than wallpaper, a useless background character."
The clicking sound of a clock was all that could be heard outside his door. The big Oakwood doors hiding our inferno of an argument. Though if you were to ask Dr. Gillian, it would be called nothing more than a 'light' debate. Sitting behind the desk before me was a bully. And not the playground bullies that lurked here and there in the office, no this was the worst kind of bully, the bully that had power and loved to use it, on those he deemed lower than him.
Looking at him now you would think James C. Gillian would have some understand and compassion for those he held power over. But clearly, all the compassion had been beaten out of the shrimpy four-eyed, thin-haired man a long time ago. "Look if you don't want to waste your time twiddling your thumbs, and want to really help people, fine do that. But do it with someone actually curable." He said waving off the thin piece of hair that had fallen right over his pale pasty skin. "That's what I'm doing, I'm telling you Dr. Harris was onto something. Something that the joker would kill to hide." I leaned forward putting my hands on the desk he kept so messy.
"Damn it Quinzel, the Joker may have gotten to him, but it wasn't him who pushed him off that roof." He was standing now his eyes locking on mine clearly unmoving. "You need to except that Harris was an ambitious man, who couldn't take failure." His fingers came up snatching my ID and key card off my shirt. "Now I thought you wouldn't make me do this but it's clear you're not thinking right. Clean out your desk you're on suspension until further notice." It was then that it happened, that need to grab him by the head and slam it into the computer sitting right next to his hand.
But instead of doing it physically I did that with my head. Letting the image calm me. "I have done nothing to bring this about. All I am asking for is a year . . . A year to either prove or disprove Harris Theory. After that, not only will I give up on the Joker, but I'll take that suspension with a smile and say you were right."
"I know how you operate Harleen, you don't shake ideas out your head as easy, as the rest of us. It's a gift and a curse for you. So how about this. I'll let you work on the Joker if you let me work on you. . . I just want to help you get over your grief." Gillian didn't look at her, just sat her card down on the table as he turned back to his computer. clenching my fist I stood there looking at my card wondering if fighting him on this last issue was really worth it. . .
I took back my ID and turned to leave, even though I knew there was more to his offer. When I reached the door he spoke again. "Also in a year, you transfer to another facility." Blowing air through my teeth, I marched out of his office.
"What makes you think I was lying about my mother." The Joker said as soon as I walked in. Not even giving me time to sit down. For a moment I thought about pulling a power play and making him wait until I sat down, and got my things together. But pissing him off this early would not be wise. It would only shut him down. So I stood there and told him. "Not only are you documented as lying about your background before. I know that serial killers who have mother issues, often are more violent to women than to men. You, Mr. J, are someone focused on one person and one person only and that person is not a woman."
"Really and who is that dear doctor." Again I could see I had his interest, now I just had to keep it. "So please tell me, who." Shaking my head I walked to take a seat in front of the glass. pulling out my black notepad, I informed him. "To tell you isn't helping you, I need you to know and to come to the conclusion yourself. I also need you to understand why is it that you find yourself so focused on this person."
"Oh that's no fun, why can't you tell me, wouldn't that be more fun?" He gave a Glee filled laugh as he leaned back in his seat and kicked his legs out, clearly enjoying the conversation. at least that's what he wanted me to think. "So let's start with your childhood." Instantly he weaved a long and sad story, one that would have most in tears with him. It was his parents who made him like this... the loss of his wife that made him like this and most of all it was Batman and his brutal beatings, that made him like this. woe is me, no one understands boohoohoo. Really touching, But Harris was no fool, he had written down three tells that gave away when the Joker was lying.
One: He looks you square in the eyes for far too long, long enough to make a sane person uncomfortable.
Two: He laughs at the beginning, and end of every lie.
Three: He shakes his leg.
As he spun his web of lie, week after week, I grew more and more angry. Even as I tried to keep it together by checking off my list. But it didn't help, so I put down my notepad and leaned back and looked at the clock. This man was good, even believable in his tale. If it wasn't for Harris's notes I would have thought I was making real progress with this madman. But clearly, that was his game. That is how I knew he was sane and how I knew he had something to do with Dr. Harris death.
Slamming his foot against the glass, to draw my attention. The Joker grumbled out to me. "Are you even listening girl?" His pale green eyes locked on me in rage. For such a skinny man he had a way of intimidating you. Of making you feel small, it was one of the things I found most interesting about him. The man clearly had some self-hate going on, which often shown with abused children. But he showed no signs of timidness or even random fits of rage.
Yes, he lashed out, but it was always thought about beforehand. I could see it in the way he always destroyed things that would not inconvenience him in any way. Someone who truly lashes out doesn't think about what he's destroying, just his emotions in that moment. This man was clearly playing a role... or rather more to his speed, the Joker loved to put on a show.
"Be what they think you are and no one will ever question you." I said crossing my arms and leaning back.
"Can't disappoint the fans now can we." He said crossing his legs and bowing deeply.
“Is that what you call your followers.” I asked truly interested in what he had to say. If there was anything the Joker was known for, it was convincing people to do what he wanted.
Wither they new it or not.
It was a talent I wished I had master like him.
Though some were easier to manipulate than others. Like Harris, he had a way of seeing though my bullshit. Of holding me accountable, something few had ever done.
Realizing that I wouldn’t get any information from him through conventional ways. I did the only thing I could do. I tried the unconventional way.
"Let's play a game, we'll tell each other two things about our past, one statement will be the truth and the other a lie. If we guess which statement is the truth, we get a point. If we get the statement wrong we have to start from zero all over again. Who ever gets to five questions first wins.
I could see his interest was peaked, the moment I was done talking.
"And what does the winner get in all this."
"I don't know . . . what do you want?" I said smiling as I sat up more in my set.
"How about a kiss." The joker said all of a sudden he seemed bigger, more in control of the moment, than I was.
My back strained as I frowned and looked around me. Yes, the Joker was isolated in a cement room in side a glass cage. There was no chance of anyone hearing us, but there were cammers. Not that I had been considering kissing him.
"I Can't, that's unethical. And professionally speaking I could get fired."
He gave a big wide tooth smile, his head turning as he laughed. "I won't do it, not without a kiss. . . Hell I'll even tell you what really happened with the doctor before you."
I jumped out of my sit, almost blind in my rush to the glass. " What do you mean, what really happened! It was you wasn't it, you killed him."
He didn't say anything just looked at me with that odd wide tooth grin of his. "I'd tell you but I don't remember you winning any games."
He was trying to manipulate me.
I walked back to my sit and sat down. Knowing that if I let him think he was in control, or that he could control me, then I may just find out more about his pass and more importantly Harris's death.
"Find but you go first." I took out my notebook.
"No, no books, no trying to get in my mind," his hands came up and started hitting on the side of his timpul. The blows hard enough to cause a concoction. "Especially when I'm trying to get out, of my mind."
"Ok, ok stop." I said my hands coming up to show I had stopped writing.
Again, he smiled big and bright. Oddly enough it looked joyful even with all the tattoos and the faint glow of what I could only assume, was drug withdrawal sweat. I found myself really wondering what made him like this . . .
Who was the man behind the joker.
"Now that we cleared all that up." He said waving his hands around his head, as he took a few steps back.
"We can get to the game...As a child I had two loving parents. . .until bat man came along." He clapped his hands. "Or mommy and daddy played cruel, cruel games." He stopped then gave her that intense unmoving stair, the one that made you want to shift uncomfortably. "Truth or lies truth or lies, give me your lips and I'll give you mine." The joker's voice rang with enjoyment, as he waited for my response.
I opened my mouth, wanting to say that it was the second statement that is true but I stopped myself. Both could be a lie, and yet the tell Hoggus had wrote about clearly showed on the jokers second statement.
The only problem with saying so, was the clear denial he would have. His obsession with batman will be the only thing that's true. Are at least, what the Joker believed to be true.
"The first one is true." I said watching him closely now. His smile didn't waver or thin as I thought it would. "Current now your turn."
I opened my mouth only to shut it. My thoughts drifting to the 'talk' me and my new pycolages had three days ago.
"What is that sound, I had asked annoyed with just being in the room with him, let alone having to hear that God awful tapping sound.
"Oh that's just my Newton's cradle, I use it with all my patients. . .you should try it. " He said pointing to his desk where five silver balls held up my nothing but silver strings and two rods stood. The middle three balls still as the two ends bounced back and forward.
What were we in a movie
"Quinzel what is your relationship with Dr. Harris?" I found myself straightening my back, as I looked just to the left of him. " I viewed him as a respected colleague."
I didn't look at him, but I could see that eyebrow lifting as Gillen spoke again. "Really . . . There was nothing more, between you two."
"I mean I looked up to him as a mentor but that's all."
"So you never invaded his home . . .gone throw his personal belongings. . . None of this was done."
I closed my eyes, not wanting to think about that talk ...or those lie he had spoken. No, I need to focus on this moment, on this man before me.
"I never really knew my father. Or I only got attention from my parents when they were using me to control each other."
"Oh oh oh I like the last one it gives you spice." He kissed his fingertips as if he could taste me. I shifted uncomfortably, angling myself away from him.
"Wrong, my father was killed when I was young, now your turn." He looked at me, a look so long and hard, you would think he knew that I was lying. I laughed even as I looked just as hard back at him.
"I was kidnapped once, or Daddy likes little boys who fight back . . ." He looked off then clearly lost in his past. With an aggressive slap to his face. I watched as the joker rubbed his hands through his hair.
As if he were snapping back to the moment. I frowned wondering if he realised the mastak or if he planned it out. "both", I said watching him grab hold of his hair and pulling it back until he was sitting in his chair.
A laugh slowly came from him then, a low breathless weeze of a laugh that made me shift uncomfortably.
"Let me see if I got this right. The score is one to two right.” He was staring me down, his gazes intently watching me as if daring me to lie again.
Unable to keep eye contact I turned away from him and walked to my chair.
“Let's continue this tomorrow.”
“What the game was just getting good.”
Shaking my head, I looked back at the joker, who now had his face hard prest in to the glass. Before I could response, the room went dark, before the lights turned back on.
Frowning I looked up at the ceiling, When I finally made it to my set, I began looking for my phone in my bag.
"What, scared of the dark?" I didn't answer, No point in telling him that it was just a snowstorm. Not like this underground holding cell would tell him anything about the outside world.
Which meant I would be spending the night here. Looking down to check the time on my phone. I turned to leave the room."Well, same time tomorrow Mr. J."
The sound of a door opening froze me. My heart stop as I looked up at the open door before me. There standing at the open cell door, with a calm sadistic smile was the joker. . .
With a burst of energy I ran to the door. A laugh of maddening joy, filled the air around me, as he came closer. My hands fumbled with the key card as I tried to get the door open.
Finally able to get through the door I slammed it shut behind me. Giving myself a moment, to reassure myself that I was safe, I look through the small window of the door. It was only then that I realized that the Joker hadn't been trying to get to the door. No he was going through my paperwork.
What the hell is going on, why did the door open. Even if the storm cut the power, it shouldn't have opened the cells. I bagged away from the door. But was stopped by a big body behind me. I jumped with fear as a hand pulled me back into a utility closet. Even as I fought, he still was able to cover my mouth.
"Shh, their going to hear you." Gillian said next to my ear. His breath was heavy against my cheek as we waited.
Then it came, the sound of footsteps and movement. A deep New York accented voice, spoke. "Open the door." Instantly the sound of drills filled the hall just beyond the closet door. Until the sound of what could only be the big metal door to the Joker hitting the ground. "Hello boys how's it going."
"All according to plan boss, and with the snowstorm, we'll be ahead of schedule for when the bat finally arrives." A high pitch of laughter screeched out then. The sound itself seem to pierce my ears and chill my very soul. "Then there's only one thing left to do." The door swung open hitting me in the face. I let out a cry as we fell back. Standing there with that damn smile was the Joker. "There is no where you can hide from me child. . .I'll always find you."
They had all the doctors lined up on their knees, in the presentation room. All of us crying and begging for our lives as they laughed and even beat some of us up. The joker sat back talking to his men about making Arkham asylum a death trap for batman.
“This is crazy, this is fucking crazy." A woman three people down from me chanted. I could see her frantic face out of only one of my eyes. The hit from the door, had closed my other eye shut. "You can't do this to us. We fucking help people" The Joker's stood up and walked over to her. He lend over as if to hear her better. Only to pull out a knife and stabbed her in the throat. Her eyes glossed over, becoming dull and lifeless like that of a doll.
I was going to throw up, I could feel it. Because the room was spinning, because it was becoming harder and harder to hold my head up. I watched as he pulled the blade from her neck and pushed her back. His face shifting to me with a big menacing smile.
It was then I realised that I was the only one still in the same place. Everyone else had moved back or had tried to escape, I was the only one still looking on, in the same position. . . on my knees. I noticed that the Joker was moving to me now, the smile on his face seem to be one of rage as he kneeled down in front of me. "I don't like a mouthy woman."
I couldn't . . . I couldn't breathe. My own fear held me hostage. It betrayed me. Bat man. . . we just had to hold out until batman got here.
Right. . ?
I throw up all over him and myself.
I was dragged by my hair up to Gillian's office. Not stopping until he reached Gillians private bathroom. "Wait out here." He said slamming the bathroom door in his henchmen face. Letting my hair go, I watched as the Joker took off his shirt. Wetting one end of it, then coming over to clean mine own shirt.
"You don't have to do that." The words flow out before I could think to stop my self. He gave a light laugh, one so normal I had to check and see if it was truly the Joker. "Its fine." He said lightly knocking away my fingers. When he was finally done, he proceeded to clean his own shirt. Before hanging it up to dry. His body was so pale, and so skinny, yet he held the power and command of so many...How.
Taking my upper arm, he walked us back in to Gillian office. The Joker sat me in the guest seat and sat himself in front of me in Gillian's chair. "Leave us, me and my phycologist have some issues we need to work out." Laughing as he spun around in the chair, I watched as the Joker started to play with the computer.
When the password was wrong the second time, he looked up at me. "What's the password?" That angry smile was back again. "I don't-" a sharp back hand, knocked me out of my seat. The hit rattling both my brain and body. Causing me to go in to the safest position. . .the fetal position, a position that would cover any vital organs while still protecting my face and head. "I'm telling you the truth." I said my voice unable to hide my Brooklyn accent. As I laid still and unmoving on the ground, I listened as the joker moved closer and closer. His footsteps only stopping when he finally reached me.
Knowing there would be a second hit. Because there was always a second hit, I tightened up. I flinched when I felt a light hand touch my shoulders. He lightly sat me up, and moved my hands from my face. I didn't fight him, knowing that doing so made men like him angry. And the last thing I wanted to do was make him angry. "That accent, why do you hide it." His hands took hold of mine, his long skinny fingers gripped mine in an iron hold. As his eyes became wide and intensely focused on me. Unable to stop my discomfort I tried to move my hands out of his. Only to have his grip grow tighter, though not painfully tight.
It was clear he didn't want me to pull away again. "No one would take me seriously with my accent, so I changed it." His thumb slowly rubbed across my fingers as if he were counting each one over and over again. Waiting for the next hit, a hit that didn't come. "Don't let anyone make you feel, like you have to hide, the real you." I had been expecting something cruel and mean, not. . . . sweet. Standing up, the Joker walked to the door. "I guess I'll just have to find someone who does know." he said, as if he were giving me a chance to come clean. I stayed silent, my eyes only leaving his when the door finally shut behind him.
Without thinking I forced myself forward and to the computer. Putting in the password I looked for my file. "Damn it damn it dammit." Why was Gillian so unorganized. When I finally found my file the door flew open.
Gillian ran at me, bat in hand. His first swing missed me, but knocked the computer down. I retreated back, knocking the chair into the bookcase. Books and awards fell around me. Covering my head I tried to make more distance between me and Gillian, as he advanced towards me.
"Gillian . . . Gillian what are you doing." He swung again, this time hitting my hand. Making me tripping over the missed place chair. As I tried to move away with only one hand, I tried to plead with Gillian. "Please please don't do this."
"I'm so sorry." Before he could pull back the bat far enough.
A pale hand grabbed the back of his head and slammed it against the bookshelf. He didn't stop, not even when he had to hold Gillian up, the Joker just kept going. "Please, please stop, please stop." I hadn't realized that I was crawling away, until I reached the corner. Pulling my hands and knees close, I held my head.
"Get him out of here, disobedient fuck." He kicked Gillian's body right before his men picked him up. "And her boss?" one of his men said as the Joker grabbed the leather chair and pulled it back into place. As another one of the Joker's henchmen pulled Gillian's computer off the floor. Running his hands over the computer screen as he sat. The joker turned back on the computer screen. I sat frozen, my eyes glued on the screen as it popped up the last file accessed. My file. I didn't want to look at him, even as he slowly turned to me. Even as I felt his eyes burning into the side of my face, I didn't want to look at him. I was too afraid of what he would do. When he didn't come after me, I found myself breathing again. That is until I realized he was reading my file.
"Hahaha. . .'It is my belief that Ms. Harleen Quinzel suffer from borderline personality disorder. It is clear the physical and mental abuse from her parents plays a big part in her obsession, with Dr. Harris. Her issue with loneliness, dependency and irrational fear of abandonment, Feeds her need to be loved, as will as her anger when confronted about her unhealthy behaved. That was also Documented my Dr. Harris himself.' No wonder you don't think I'm crazy, your nuttier than a fruit bat." I could no longer hear him. The sound of my own thoughts rocking me to resit. I had to get back control of the situations. I had to stop him from talking. . . "I wonder". The Joker said cutting in to my thoughts. "What was Documented in Dr.-". Before he could finish, my body without thought of consequence or danger. Propelled itself at the disk. Unsure if I was aiming for the Joker or the computer. Not that it mattered be for I could even touch the desk. One of the Joker's men had me, his thick arm wrapped around my throat, as he took me off my feet.
This was no warning, this man was crushing my throat . He was trying to kill me. And I could do nothing, nothing but claw at the thick hairy arm that held me. Even as I jircked my body around, not ready to die, but knowing I could do nothing to stop it. My eyes shot around the room, hoping someone would stop this man, anyone. But I could see it in their face, they were going to let me die. It wouldn't bother them, it wouldn't even be a second thought later on in their life. Slowly getting light headed and running out of hope. I looked over at my last hope, the man who had saved me from Gillain.
The Joker was no longer facing the computer, but was looking right at me, his face blank as he watched his hichmen choke me to death. Even as I reached my hand out to him. I felt like a fool a dispred fool. . . That is until I saw him roll his eye, and point at his nail, then his eyes. Repeating the motion two more times before he placed a pin at the end of the table where I was being choked.
What. . .the room grow darker. . .why. . .and darker. I lifted my hand one last time, even as he tried to shake off my fingers from his face, I found his eyes and scratched and clawed. Even going as far as trying to dig my fingers into his eye sockets. Anything to get him to let me go. And to his credit, he didn't let go leaving me to drop my arms. I was watching him now, watching the Joker as he watched me die. Eyeball . . .eye. . . ball. . . .ball... With one last stong grunt I swung my hand back and hit him in the balls. Hitting mother nature release switch. As his hands came down to grab his dick.
A rush of air hit my lungs, I found myself unable to stand. Barely able to grab onto the desk, as I slid to the floor, knocking papers and pens down as well.
The Joker's henchmen, had only given me a moment before he was reaching for me again. My hand clinch the pen as he pulled me up, by my throat. I waited till I was close enough. Then I stabbed him in the ear. I watched as his face and body twitched before pulling out the pen and bringing it back down on his neck. He pushed me away. Though weaker, I still found myself falling back on the desk, right before I lunge myself at him again. Stabbing him over and over again in the neck. Not stopping until I realized I was in a room fun of his coworkers.
Turning sloppily to them, I stumbled back hitting the wall, now the only thing holding me up. I watched as they surrounded me, each person's eyes as cold and discarding as their bosses. I could not win this. . . It was just no way. So I did the only thing I could do. I looked over at the Joker and mad myself useful to him.
"With Gillian incapacitated, you're going to need someone who knows all the passwords and knows where the keys to the basement doors. Food and employees shift list. I know it all and if I don't, I know how to get the information." I watched as his jaw ticked and his eye sharped. "Butch take Joie and leave us to are." His hand raised, as if to tell me to speak. "Na-nagosheation." I said to the outburst of laughter. He clearly thought my words where funny. So when he repeated them back to Butch with air quotes, I wasn't surprised.
Though I was surprise about the drill, nails and larger pieces of wood, he asked for as well. Making me once again wonder why this skinny pale man seem to have an iran hold on some one like Butch or the dead body that must be Joie. They were both big scary guys, with names belonging to that of any mafia leader or enforcer. So why where they here, working with him. Without question or a moment, any rational person would give themselves before assisting in a crime. Butch nodded his head and proceeded to pick up the dead body next to me.
I bagged away slowly only stopping where the bookshelf and the wall met. I had thought that one of them would have tried something. In retaliation for there fellow henchmen, but that had stock to their bosses orders. Taking the body out of the room, even shutting the door behind them.
Still not feeling safe I shifted the pin in my right hand and waited for him to speak. "Well you handled that slower than I thought you would." He got to his feet then shrugged. "But then again it can't be help. . . you're a blond after all." He said it as if it were the next step to being simple.
"Fuck you." I said close to spitting in his disrespectful face. His steps grow quick as he advanced towards me. Fear took hold of me as my hand shot out to stab him with the pin. Only to have him grab me by my wreak. The hold was hard and unmoving as he looked at me with what I could only call a mockingly sad smile.
When his hand reached out and touched my neck I sucked in a breath. Moving back from him even though I was up against the wall. "You really had me worried there." He said this time his face falling in the category of normal human. His hand over my neck, seam to be more gentle than I expected.
"I didn't think you would catch on." I blinked then looked at him, and not just a part of his face or his smile, no I really looked at him, right in the eyes. My thoughts calling back him pointing to his nails and eyeball. "Why. . . why did you do that?"
"I didn't want you to die."
"Then why not stop him?" I snapped back not letting my fear stop me from calling him on his bullshit. He looked in to my eyes, so unblinking and so true, that I found myself truly believing his next words. "If anyone thought that a monster like me ever cared for someone. . .well let's just say he wouldn't have been so nice."
Again he perplexed me. Every time I thought I fingered him out or that I understood how his mind worked, he would throw me through a loop. Bringing me right back to not knowing a damn thing about this man. "Now how to punish you?"
"What?" I said trying to move away from him. But his grip grow tighter, as he pushed his body against me, trapping me. "Will you did lie to me darling . . . and I fucking hate liars." He said taking my hand and smashing it against the wall, until I let go of the pin. Letting out a screech of pain I used my free hand to push him away from me.
"Now now let's not panic." He took my other hand then, each grip was tight enough to hurt. "I wouldn't want to bite your nose off." Unable to stop myself from crying, I turned my head away from him, fearing that he would do it even if I obeyed. Leaning his head to the right as if he didn't understand my fear. The Joker pulled dragged with him and pushed me up against the wall right between the door Butch and his gang had left from and the large filing cabinet Gillian like to keep in his office. Filled with files he thought to important to trust his computer with.
"Where is the key?" After only a moment of hesitation. I walked over to Gillians disk pulled out the top draw then reached just above the draw place meant for the hidden key he keep there. Walking back over. I handed the key to the joker and then moved away. When the draw popped open I watched as he turned to me. Clearly happy I had proven my earlier words.
Letting out a breath, of thanks for passing his test. I relaxed a little, as I watched him pull out the paper from the bottom shelf. Looking around for anything I could use to bash his head in. I silently wondered who's file he was looking for.
My eyes locked on the computer keyboard. My hand itching to grab it and bash his head in.
I took a small step back.
He didn't seem to notice.
A few more. . .
He pulled out the second shelf from the bottom as well. His hands stopping when he found the paper he was looking for.
When I finally moved back far enough to touch the edge of the keyboard. I found myself stopping. My thoughts going to what he had said to me earlier. 'If anyone thought that a monster like me ever cared for someone. . .well let's just say he wouldn't have been so nice.'
He had feeling for me. . .
My hands slipped away from the keyboard.
Maybe. . . he was savable. Maybe with more time he could be rehabilitated... Even.
Butch walked into the room then, his big hands caring a drill and wood. I frowned once again wondering what it was for. The Joker stood up quickly his eyes no longer on the paper but on me. "Get in." I frowned, as my hand lifted to my chest. A slow and ominous sense of melancholy field me, as i asked the one question I feared most. "What?"
"Punishment sweet girl. A price must be paid for lying, don't you think." Though the last part was asked I could tell it was not a question. "No, please. . ." I ran for the door, only to have a body tackle me to the ground. His heavy thin form easily holding me down. "Come now we don't want to keep your punishment waiting." Taking my arm the Joker pulled me up and close to him. His piercing green eyes seeming to drill in to my own.
As if my fear were something he could devour, the Joker licked his lips. I could feel my stomach turn and pull with fear. The strong pull of the Joker made it almost impossible to get away from him. Only follow, as he guided me to the big gap in the wide filing cabinet. I tried to pull away from him but his grip was to tight. And only seem to dig into my arm more as I struggled against him.
Finally irritated with my needless struggling the Joker pushed me to Butch. Who wasted no time stuffing my small form in to the filing cabinet.
"Oh almost forgot, here's your water."
It was hard to move. And with that the wood in place blocking out the room light, I was covered in darkness. Unable to move my knees from my chest and barely able to shift from my back, to my right side, see as that was the only thing I could do.
The first few hours were sobbing and pleading, all answered with silence. After that time moves slow, even covered in my own filth. On the edge of just wanting to die. I begin to imagine a place far from this darkness. A place where Harris was still there, he would come and save me, he would come and love me. More than his wife, more than his kids, more than anything in the world.
And yet every time we were about to kiss. Everytime Harris was about to give me everything I ever wanted. 'He' would show up, the monster, called Joker, the man that I couldn't escape, not here, my safest place, my dreams. He found me and every time he found me he stab Harris in the neck.
His blood splattered across my face, as I stood stunned and frozen with terror.
And yet with in that bone chilling terror, I found that I could only watch. Watch as the Joker grabbed my face, with his blood soaked hands, his eyes so intensely focused on mine as he gave me a big creepy smile. "You can't escape me, I'll always find you." He kissed me and even as I tried to move my face away, I knew he was right. There was no running from him. So i accepted him, his kiss, his touch. I wanted it needed it. Only he could save me, from himself.
"Your mine. . . To have. . . To toy with. . . To kill. . ." Insane as it was. With in this moment, of fear and terror. I didn't fear death or feel the pain, from the unnatural possession I had been placed in. When I was a sleep, and dreaming of the Joker, I felt like I had escaped my nightmare.
But, then it would come back… the awful, awful nightmare
“Come on Harris come down.” I tried to step closer.
“Don't come near me! God why don't you get it, I don't love you! I will never love you.” Harris through his empty liquor bottle at me, missing by only inches. “Haven't you taken enough from me! My wife, my kids haven't you taken everything.
“You don't need them, if they really loved you they would have stuck around like I do, like I can.” Stepping closer I reached my hand out to him. “I Don't Need Your Love! I have enough love for the both of us. So please come down.”
“Oh God, he was right, the Joker was right.” He laughed hysterically. The force of it seeming to tip him over the edge of the roof.
I was too far away, I couldn't get to him in time.
No, no, no it wasn't me. . . I grabbed my head and screamed.
No, no, no it wasn't my fault
It was The Jokers fault.
He had put these thoughts in his head.
That's why he kill himself.
Humiliation & Accusing
"Knock, knock." A monovalent voice said from the other side of the wood. A voice I knew yet still felt surprised at hearing. "Would you like to come out?"
"Yes please." I shot out quickly my eyes tearing up as I leaned my head against the wood.
"Are you going to be good. . . no more lies."
"Yes please, I promise."
Silence meet my ears then .
"Please don't leave me. . . I don't want to be alone.” I said bagging my head against the wood as I cried harder and harder. "I'll do anything."
For a long time I heard nothing not even the sound of breathing. Then it came like light with in the darkness. A voice asked me. "who was it that left you, your mother or father."
I didn't want to say, but I didn't want him to leave me alone again. "Both, it was both." They hadn't loved me like they had loved each other. Even used me to hurt or manipulate the other.
"How pathetic, a girl not even a mother could love." A high pick of laughter scratched at my ears. Making me shut my eyes just to try to block it out. Having barely any room to move made it hard to even touch my face.
"No worries. . .I won't abandon you." It was said in a way that suggest fear should be felt and though I did feel a small amount of fear. I also felt a bit of happiness, at the thought of never being lonely again.
No. . .no that was just something wrong with my brain he was crazy he locked me in here. He was going to let his men kill me. Though I did lie, and if I hadn't jumped at him then maybe his man wouldn't have had to step in.
Maybe my mother and father had been right. It was all my fault, I was never good enough any way. If I did better then things would be better...maybe they would never have left me.
"Maybe instead of sitting there quietly you can say ‘think you’ and not be an idiot.
". . . thank you."
A hard bang jolted me from the wood I had been laying my face on.
"That's no proper thank you."
"Thank you Joker." Another bag came, this one shaking the entire cabinet.
"That's not what you call me, now is it? Now say it again and with the accent.
"Th- thank you Mr. J, "
"That a girl."
It was then the pieces of wood was pushed away. The high blinding lights almost blinding me to the sight, of a pale smiling face. Behind him stood his men laughing and pointing at me some even going as far as trying to wave away the smell, that emerged with me.
Embarrassment filled me, even more so when he encouraged me to come out as if I were some wild animal. As if I had crawled into the cabinet of my own accord.
“It's your own dum falt.” the voice of my father swap through my mind. His big beefy hands pushing my small twelve year old back into the wall. “Maybe if you stop listening to that bitch. And listened to me, shit wouldn't happen to you.” His fingers poking me with each word. Filling me with that same sense of helplessness, and fear.
A whistle drew me quickly from my pass, and back into the small space I was now too afraid to leave.
“Come on girl, you can do it.” the Joker said patting his legs as if I were his dog.
Perhaps I was.
My legs and right arm couldn't move. Leaving only my left arm. As I clawed my way from the filing cabinet. Sore and aching pain moved throughout my body. I felt so broken and humiliated. Here I was a woman crawling to the man that did this to me, that had put me through so much pain My slow crawl to freedom only stopped by the pale hands that picked me up into his arms.
Walking me into the bathroom, the joker kicked the door shut. Then sat me down on the toilet. He had already brought in a washcloth, towels, and a change of clothing.
Silent and patient I waited as he wet the wash cloth.
When he turned back to me, I instantly started to take off my clothing. Only to have the Joker turn away, as he handed me the washcloth. The act of chivalry surprised me, but it didn't stop me from trying to clean myself as quickly as I could.
“I told you to stay away from me didn't I.” The Joker said his back still to me, as he passed new clothing to me. It was one of the white and black jumpsuits.
“Yes.” letting go of my old clothing so it wouldn't dirty the clean ones I had on. I walked out of the stall, and to the sink. Where I washed my hands. The cramping pain that taking over my body, had lessened enough for me to move around on my own.
Through the reflection of the mirror I saw him. His eyes wondering over me and yet, when he finally met my eyes, is when he spoke to me again. “Are you waiting for him?” I blinked unsure of who he was speaking of. He came closer now, his eyes still locked on mine as he put his hands on my shoulders. “Batman, have you been waiting for batman to save you?”
I opened my mouth to speak, then stopped myself. He wanted the truth. . . but one that would stroke his ego. “ In the beginning I thought about it alot. . . but now all I can think about is you.”
He lightly chuckled as his hands crapped up my neck. The feel of his breath as it lightly blew against my hair, made me close my eyes.
“Honestly darling it's not my fault you dont lesson.” his hands moved in to my hair, as he grade a hand full of both sides. Pulling them up until they made tight pigtails. “You should have your hair like this more. It frames your face beautifully.”
Opening my eyes I looked down and nodded my head. “Thank you.”
Letting go of my hair the joker walked to the bathroom door. “Lets go Harley we have work to do.”
So I helped him, I made myself useful in ways he hadn't even thought of.
Anything to stay alive. And it worked well he even congratulating me in front of his men.
“Good job.” He had said, kissing me on the forehead. “It's almost time men look alive. Hahaha.” I Watched him and his men walk out the room.
I let out a harsh breath.
Just a little longer, I just have to hold on a bet longer. Then batman would be here. Then I would never have to see them again.
See him again. . .
(You can't run from me.) His voice hammered at the back of my head.
I'll be safe. . .
(I'll always find you.) I shook my head, no. . . no, no, no.
I'll be safe. . . I'll make sure of it.
As I gathered up the blueprints for the building. The sound of the door conference room opening froze me as I looked back at one of the Joker's henchmen. I didn't know his names, mostly because I tried not to know any of their names.
Smiling lightly at him, I continued to fold the blueprints. “Just putting this away. Don't want batman finding it.”
He didn't say anything, just shut the door behind him.
My body was shaking now, the vivid memory of being choked to death bringing me to tears. As he surrounded me.
Before I could speak again a big beefy hand smashed itself in to my belly, knocking me on to my knees.
“You've outlived your usefulness.” It was said with such coldness and malus's, that I had to wonder. Was the Joker's man doing this, of his own accord or was it an order.
Why, why was he doing this, I went above and beyond for him...why
Tears fell down my face, as I tried to crawl away. A sharp pain tugger at my hair, making me realize just how gental the joker had been with me. As I was kicked over and over again in the stomach.
I throw up all over his shoes, as he let me fall face first into my own vomit.
“Please…” I coughed, “please don't do this.” I was flipped on to my back.
The man with the cold brown eyes stepped over me, his hands reaching for the gun he kept in his back.
Unable to move my head any longer I let my head fell to the side, and there standing by the door was the Joker.
I couldn't see his face. . . not through the tears. My hands reached out to him, With the voice I no longer had. I plead with him to let me live. The gun cocked as his henchmen pointed it at me.
“Anything . . . I'll do anything for you, please . . .” I couldn't complete it. Even as I watch him move closer.
There was a gunshot. . . but it wasn't me who fell. Only the man who had been ready to kill me laid on the ground. His gun hitting my knee.
Take it, take it, TAKE IT.
I looked up as I slowly got to my knees.
Standing their with his own gun now down. The Joker smiled at me, a smile that knew what I had been thinking and yet found joy and amusement in it.
Putting his gun into his hoster, the Joker put his hands in front of him. Motioning for me to pick the gun up.
Take it, take it, take it.
I picked the gun up, slowly. Realizing fully what I could do.
“Come on . . . do it. . .kill me.” My eyes shot to his at his words dawn on me. “All it would take is two or three shots, right here.” He tapped his forehead, as he slowly got to his knee.
“You all ready got the blueprints and the keys.” He said reaching into his pocket, to let them dangle from his fingertips. “You already know where my men or stationed, all you have to do is kill me. And you can be free as a bird.”
He was right.
All I had to do was kill him.
And yet. . .
“Your so full of shit.” I said pointing the gun at him. You don't want to die by me, that not the death you crave.”
“No it has to be by him . . .” I said nodding my head to the spray painted bat symbol on the wall. You want batman to kill you, it's the only way you life will have meaning in your eyes.”
He laughed, big cheeks and squinted eyes, it was deep and real. One that made him hold his stomach, but as he leaned forward, his hand shot out and snapped the gun from my hands.
“You see that's why I like you. You see through my bull shit.” He said getting to his feet quickly.
Popping out the bullits the joker throw the gun to the side. “Sadly me liking you is the reason why assholes like this.” The joker said kicking the dead body. “ Want to kill you now.”
It wasn't him, he didn't want me dead. I thought with a slow exhale of relief.
Fighting through my pain, I crawled closer to him and took his leg in my hands. “I'll be useful, I promise I'll be useful to you in every way. Just please don't throw me away.”
Like my mother, like my father.
“God why won't you just go fucking die. I'm in love with my wife. I will never marry to you. I will never leave my kids for you. So stop following me and Stop texting. I don't want you.” His face had been red when he'd yelled these things at me.
Which meant he had a temperament, and as his future wife I had to learn how to deal with it.
His old wife would never do that for him.
If anything she was putting these thoughts in to his head.
Yes it was her. Her fault . . .
Harris wife didn't have a pretty face. Not like my face, she had gotten fat and lazy, not like me. . . for him I would look any way I would do anything. He just needed help seeing it.
I remember smiling to myself. Knowing that if I made her crazy, then it would drive him in to my arms.
But that isn't what happened.
No when he saw every part of me. Every fucked up part of me. Had driven him to abandoned me.
“Their trying to keep us apart.” It was all so clear now.
Didn't he see, I looked up at him, the Joker's face one of confusion. “Hahaha, it's so clear now, every time I find happiness, someone tries to take it away.” tears were falling from my face now.
“Throw you away.” The Joker said picking me up so I was on my feet. “Why would I throw away the best toy a boy could ask for.” He said walking me to a room far back into the back building. Setting me down on a bed in one of the padded rooms, the Joker kissed the top of my head.
Then he laid me down softly and covered me up.
I locked my hands with his before he could get away. “Don't leave, stay with me.” I said taking his face so I could kiss him. Before our lips could touch, the joker pushed me away.
His teeth clenched. “I'm no rapist.” He hissed in my face.
Unlocking our hands the Joker walked to the door and stopped. “Butch will be guarding your door. Now if you don't mind I have a bat to kill.”
I watched as he left. The slamming of the door behind him showing just how pissed he was at my actions.
Laying down I looked at the ceiling. My thoughts only on him.
He was right . . .
I had kissed him because I thought it was what he wanted.
But what he wanted was his obsession dead.
I was awaken the next day by policemen, telling me it was ok, that batman had stopped the joker.
“Good thing to, the joker had bombs all over this building.” The officer said putting a jacket over my shoulder.
Unable to balance myself I fell against the officer. “What . . . he was going to . . .to.”
“Well, actually you were lucky to be far enough that you wouldn't have exploded. Maybe trapped-.”
He wasn't trying to kill me. . . he wasn't trying to kill me.
He saved me, he cared for me.
“Ma'am, excuse me Ma'am.” blinking I looked over at an older gentlemen with white hair and a tired face. He reached his hand out to me. “I'm commissioner Gordon.” I looked down at his hand for far too long before taking it. “Harleen, Harleen Quinzel.”
“Nice to meet you. We are hoping you will go on trial to put the joker away.”
“Put him away. . .”
“Yes, miss Quinzel, for good.”
For good. . . I laughed . . . I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. Until I faint from lack of oxygen.
When I finally got home from the hospital. I took a bath, and made myself a meal. As I walked into the dinning room but found myself frozen at what I found on the dining room table.
“I will always find find you.”
Laying on my dining room table was a red rose. I dropped my plate and walked closer. I noticed that the rose sat on top of a letter.
I picked it up with shaky hands and began to read the letter . . .again and again and again. Until I knew it by heart
I didn't eat that night or the night after that.
No there was to much to be done.
I had to clean off the pictures of Harris I kept on my bed room wall.
I had to let him go. . . he was dead and I wasn't. I had to except that.
“I'm so sorry.” I said I don't want to be without him, but I had to move on.
Besides it wouldn't be Fair.
Not to myself or my new relationship.
“Dr. Quinzel, would you state for the record, the name of the man that held you and your coworkers hostage.”
I leaned forward, and smiling lightly at the prosecutor. “The Joker.”
“And how do you know the accused in question.” before he could even finish his sentence, I leaned forward and wiped away the tears on my face. “I'm his psychologies.”
“I know this is hard for you but please try to continue.” Clearing his throat the prosecutor stepped into my field of version. And handing me his handkerchief. I smiled and I looked up at him through my lashes.
“We were only there to help people.”
“Dr. Quinzel, would you please tell the Jury what you believe the Joker's mental state to be.”
Turning I looked at the Jury, all of them looked dull and bored.
Having been through trials just like this. Be it the same man or different, It was all the same.
“Albert Einstein is credited for saying, ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.’ This definition is not the accepted one. . . But why is that?” I said looking not only at the jury, but everyone in the courtroom. “Because it can apply to every last one of us.”
“Dr. Quinzel, are you saying that in your professional opinion the Joker Is insane.” The prosecutor said clearly trying to move me along.
“Insane is sending the joker to a facility that he escaped from time and time again. Insane is having some random guy in a batsuit, with a enough money to equipped himself and his car with weapons just so he can run around at night and beat up ‘bad guys’. But not enough ‘sense’ to use that money to create jobs or programs to stop inner city crimes.”
“So is the Joker insane.” I through my head back and laughed. “No more insane than the rest of you. But then again, what do I know.”
The Courtroom went silent as the prosecution rest his case and proceeded to walk back to his desk.
It was the defense lawyers turn now
Dr. Harleen Quinzel would you say your the best judge of character.
Really even though it has been recorded that you yourself suffer from a mental illness
Objection your honor.
Your honor I'm just trying to give the Jury a full picture of the psychologist.
The judge rubbed his face and looked over at me. “I'll allow it.”
“Did you or did you not stalking your previous mentor? Who called you delusional and unstable?”
“Did you or did you not assist the Joker even telling him where to lay traps for Batman?”
“So why Dr. Quinzel should the jury take your word that the Joker is insane.”
“I never said he was insane. In fact the letter he wrote me proves that he's not insane. That he's the most sane person here.”
“Really, and what did this letter say?”
“Objection your honor.”
“I'll allow it.”
“It's said something that made me want to blow my brains out, something that made me realize that I too can be sane.”
Frowning the lawyer stepped closer. “What did it say?”
I wave my hand at him, dismissing his question. “Oh you wouldn't get the joke.” I pulled out a little red button and pressed it.
The side of the building exploded, covering the courtroom with rocks and dust. People fell to the floor in both fear and anguish as a barrage of bullets filled the room. Men in animal costumes and machine guns entered laughing maniacally. Jumping over the stand I ran over to the Joker and helped him off the ground.
“All this for little old me?” He said with tears in his eyes.
“Anything for you,” I said cutting his free from his straight jacket.
Taking my hand, the Joker kissed each one of my finger tips, as he lead me into my new future.
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 02.01.2019
Alle Rechte vorbehalten