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blood of the vampire

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User: tristanr
blood of the vampire
i love vampires my first book was a fluke that stinks but here we go again anyways i am writing this vampire book about a vampire named Brad i hope u love it also ignore my wrong writings and just read

Stichwörter: 
vampires
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H︀e︀r︀e ︀s︀h︀e︀ ︀i︀s︀:︀ WWW.INTIMCONTACT.COM?_ebook-tristan-ruby-blood-of-the-vampire

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judycolella

I tried to "just read," and couldn't get past the second page because it was too confusing. Before you get upset with me for saying that (and what follows), let me add that from what I did read, I got the impression that there was potential. It's the same story written many times by many vampire lovers, but you seem to have a few interesting new twists that could make it stand out.

Here's the problem (and it's up to you... mehr anzeigen

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Gelöschter User

that counts more. Sorry to say, the first impression wasn't good. As the others said, you need puncuation, and paragraphs. It looks like a huge waterfall of words, with a beginning and an end.

I know you said don't mind the puncuation for now but if you want people to read it, you have to fix that. Also, I suggest a little bit of dialogue somewhere. It would make it better.

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gothicstar101

you need puncuation i got lost but lol i like it >:o get yo puncuation noa! and i bet more and more pp lwill like it so dude puncuation

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Gelöschter User

veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrry loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong

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