Evolution's Child

Evolution's Child
Amani is looked as a mistake since she was born. Her brother and father was killed by flames while she was younger. She grew up with her Mom. When her mom is killed what will she do to stay alive? Will she help the world, or will she destroy it?

Flames, Supernaturals, Love, War, Hybrid, New world
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Gelöschter User

You do have some verb issues, but the story plot looks good. Read it aloud, you can catch mistakes better that way.

My body ached with pain as though I was thrown in a boiling pot of water and then shredded into pieces by a cheese grater. (I removed 'it felt' because that's telling not showing. And also changed Cheese grader to grater and shredded instead of griddled.)

Needles is plural so it's were not was.

When I walked, a... mehr anzeigen

2 Kommentare

Thank you I'll check it out!


I checked it out, and you have no idea how much your comments help me! :)

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