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Family Vacation

Von:
User: ttownes12
Family Vacation
A famiy vacation creates the success of five brother and sisters

Beiträge und Kommentare
Wichtiger Beitrag
petra michelle

Thank you for asking me to read Family Vacation. The theme is excellent -- that we should not sit on our laurels and try to do more for those who have less.

I believe more, esp. of your trip to Africa, would strengthen the theme. Take your time. The idea is good, but try not to rush it.

An interesting concept, Taliya! Petra :))

Wichtiger Beitrag
pinkyboo11.16

Your story was a work of love and enthusiasm and uplifting to read, even if your spelling is pretty bad. Doesn't matter, those can be fixed.

Wichtiger Beitrag
lovingempath

I don't think I need to repeat what others have observed Taliya...I have faith that you will take care of your work here, and give some more attention to the editing. It has wonderful potential to become a very delightful book, with what you have shown of your sense of humor etc..
I liked the various scenes and the emotions that corresponded to those scenes. I do think (others have mentioned this as well), that a little more... mehr anzeigen

Wichtiger Beitrag
zormna

Thank you very much for that read. It gave me a good window into a world that I am not familiar with. I also agree that I would have liked to have seen more of that African village. What was it like? Style of homes? Food you ate? Any other funny misunderstandings?
Like the others, I do suggest you get a friend to go through the story and edit out the grammar errors. It distracts from the story. Fixed, I'd say you deserve the vote.

Wichtiger Beitrag
Alikzandria James

I agree that it needs to be edited. Putting that aside, this is an amazing story. It shows that it only takes one thing to make you realize how much you really have (natural beauty, love, happiness even in the simplist of things, etc.). We can learn so much from one another if we just open our minds and hearts. I only wish everyone could experience this kind of personal awakening and growth. Thanks for a great read!

Wichtiger Beitrag
joeparente

I read your story and it was good. It had some funny places so the humor that you wanted worked.

The writing needs to be proof read by you to correct some spelling. Pay attention to present and past tenses with your verbs. My comments are honest and are made to help.
Please do not take them personally. You have a good funny story that needs a little tweaking to make it better.
Let me know when you are finished and I will re-read it./joeparente

Wichtiger Beitrag
allegrasilberstein.7

Interesting how a trip to Africa could make such changes. There are some grammar errors I don't think you intended and your story could use some tightening to make it even better but a lovely idea. Good Luck

Wichtiger Beitrag
janicereynolds

I found your story really interesting. It would flow better if you worked on the editing and grammar a bit. I enjoyed the impact that the trip had on the family and the resulting development of the children's characters and ambitions to do something good for others. I'll try to read some of your other pieces soon.
Good luck with the contest.

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