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If He Only Knew

What goes around comes around Von:
User: njoyabl
If He Only Knew

You can't just do things to people, play with their minds and not expect anything in return. All good things must come to an end, and all foul men.


Beiträge und Kommentare
Wichtiger Beitrag
Gelöschter User

Just finished chapter 2 and am still enjoying it. However, the tense seems to be shifting from present to past.

Duron Crejaro

Dean is right, shifting tense confuses the reader, if you are writing in present tense and need to shed light on something that happened in the past, the best way to do that is with a flashback scene or even better would be dialogue between two characters where they talk about... mehr anzeigen

njoyabl

Thanks for the input. I can see where you are coming from.

Dieser Kommentar wurde gelöscht.
Wichtiger Beitrag
JennaB.56

Wow what a story, although you might want to do some editing. This was a heart wrenching love story.... about love, life and how being wronged would cause you do something you ultimately regret. It's nice that you showed Michelle forgiving Nikki; but I think you could have added more to the ending. Like how he responds to her letter, the guard finding Nikki's body in the cell, and how Michelle's new life was going... oh and... mehr anzeigen

1 Kommentar
njoyabl

Thank you for reading, and yes I was thinking of doing that. I kind of got stumped a little. It is my first shot at this writing thing. Thank you for analyzing, and I am working on what I would like to do with it.

Wichtiger Beitrag
Gelöschter User

are you going to finish this book i'm looking forward to read the end

2 Kommentare
njoyabl

Yes, I absolutely am. Thanks for inquiring, gives me inspiration. Will have an update within a week.

Gelöschter User

thank you

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