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Mara's Shock
Mara begins working over the summer. She lays awake at night thinking about her work. It's everything she wants. Until she meets 'Teeto'.

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I get to read it. I can so totally relate to this story. One of the dogs we took in years ago, was deathly afraid of men; she had been burned with cigarettes - had a ring around her neck.

There is a level in hell for these tormentors of children and animals.

Your telling of this story evokes the horror and sorrow I feel each time we take in a dog that has been abused.

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Gelöschter User

That's really good and I totally agree with Mara about animal cruelty.

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wow this is one of the best books iv ever read it sounds just like me cause i lov animals and they let me help at the vet clinic and i assisted with 3 surgaries

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great story telling..tender true depiction of how raw emotions can get when faced with naked cruelty.loved the mother daughter realtionship youve carved was a good story.

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I really enjoyed this story, animal cruelty is a real issue, and you tapped into that in a surreal way. Another great story Bek.

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Thanks again, Valerie. I've decided to go with the 'loved'. Also, I've restructured the sentence containing 'now'. It's been moved into the middle of that sentence and I think it works better. Your comment on the 'run-on' sentence, I've shortened. And, I've relooked at that semi-colon and I believe you're right. I've also changed another semi-colon, too.


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You could even leave "now" out...and the sentence would make sense.

Mara loves animals - I am very strongly in favor of your saying "loved".

No more, I promise.


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Page 7 : That evening, Mara huddled in her double bed, her back . . . .

Leave off the comma after evening. Keep it after "double bed." Sometimes less punctuation is better than too much.

You definitely need to lose the comma before "now" per my previous feedback. Also don't overuse the semi colon. Sometimes a new sentence is better or even a dash. Hope this helps. Grammar is tricky...but often reading your stuff aloud helps with the flow. Valerie

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