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Sunshine on a rainy day

The true love story of a maidservant Von:
User: parvathy
Sunshine on a rainy day
The true love story of my mother's maidservant from the slums of Kollam (Kerala state,India).

Stichwörter: 
Love, Family, rainy day
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Gelöschter User

(●⁰౪⁰●) ︀➸ WWW.DATE4FUQ.COM?_ebook-parvathy-mohan-sunshine-on-a-rainy-day

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babycakes1

i would have liked it if it was a little longer so then i could have understood it better.maybe its coz im only a teenager.

2 Kommentare
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Gelöschter User

(●⁰౪⁰●) ︀➸ WWW.DATE4FUQ.COM?parvathy_1262155936.9418818951

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petra michelle

is beautifully expressed! Thorougly enjoyed the visuals! I was there with the characters!

Good luck in the contest! Petra :))

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morninggirl

I love the term "liquid black eyes". And this story is quite cute.

You need to work on your flow a little. Each sentence should give a hint at either the previous one or the next one. A good way to see if you're are doing it right is to put a few of your sentences out of order and see if the passage still make sense. If it does, you're sentences aren't linked together enough.

I also felt like the ending dropped off. This is... mehr anzeigen

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mirandabm

I thought I wrote a comment on this Parvathi but I can't see it so I'll write again. I thought your writing was simple and elegant and like everyone else I thought it was too short. I don't think you have to turn it into a novel or novella if that isn't what you envisaged, but I feel that the ending was rather abrupt, and it felt as though something should else have happened. Very good writing though, and definitely worth a star!

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lovingempath

...to a lengthier piece, which I would love to read.
This is delightful just the way it is, but you have such rich characters to work with. It seems a shame not to give us more. WE WANT MORE! :) (That's a compliment).

Beautiful beginning to your writing career.
Good luck,
Robin

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paulashene

You have good bones for fleshing out to a novella or more. I can see your characters and relate...good job with such a short amount of words...Paula

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joeparente

Very well written. A little short/ do you have plans for a novella?/joe

1 Kommentar
parvathy

Thanks for reading my book. I am new to writing and had felt that short stories should be really short. Yes, I might develop it into a novella.
Cheers,
parvathy

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