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Series Von:

Chains flying behind them barley missing their targets. One of the chains nicked Jess’s shirt tearing a small hole the size of a penny. Jess looked behind her and noticed that the darkness was closing in on them. Another chain emerged from the tornado of darkness and got Jess in her left hand. 


Current Part: 1

Status: Ongoing

Beiträge und Kommentare
Wichtiger Beitrag

Okay, I like the story so far tbh. There are three issues though. First, the story changes tense. More than once in fact. It starts off in present tense and then changes to past tense, then present, then past. It's kind of confusing. I'd recommend maybe just having it all in past tense because that's slightly easier to write in my opinion. Also, the second paragraph has more than one character talking. The appropriate way to... mehr anzeigen

3 Kommentare
Nick Venom

Hi BentleyBro5,

Firstly, I would like to thank you for reading this story. Secondly, I thank you for your constructive criticism. One of my biggest flaws in my writing is the change of tense. I often write my story in past tense, but also add, for some reason, present tense... mehr anzeigen

Nick Venom

A new version of the story was just released. Hope you enjoy it.

-Nick Venom

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