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She thought she could take it. She thought she could hold the weight of the world upon her shoulders. Everyone knew she was going to break. No one can hold on for that long.

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Wichtiger Beitrag
Victoria Vanderbilt

Forget, forgot, forgotten..., three breathless words!
yours Victoria Vanderbilt

2 Kommentare
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Art is beautiful when you create it from a heart as beautiful as your's. Keep writing amazing books, I believe in you.

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I think it's really good so far and has an amazing amount of potential. I get what you meant about the repetition. The level of feeling that goes with it is amazing and very skillfully done. I look forward to reading the rest of it.

Wichtiger Beitrag

Good beginning. Yet you need to fix errors...some spelling, but mostly letters in wrong orders. woudl instead of would. and others.
Also you repeat a lot. Many sentences start with 'she'. Also there's one paragraph that 6 sentences begin with 'maybe', and 4 with 'always'.
Apart from those, the story has great need to continue.

1 Kommentar

The repetition is meant for a reason. Its used to get a point across. When I write "maybe" it illuminates her uncertainty. I'm also only talking about on person, so 'she' is better than repeating the name a hundred times. I fixed the errors in the lettering. (I deleted the... mehr anzeigen

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