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The Thing Under the Bed

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User: epoch1
The Thing Under the Bed
Memories of when he was a little boy came flooding back. He'd lived in fear of monsters under the bed. He was convinced there was a door that opened into a world of horrible creatures lurking in the dark. Creatures that were waiting for just the right time to snatch him away.

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glenmarcus

your favorite t.v. show has got to be Criminal Minds. You are a twisted little puppy Michael. But nevertheless you have my vote.

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Gelöschter User

good story, Michael, but - it would have benefited from a massive reduction in commas, you use far too many - and a flowing together of some of your sentences, which are abrupt and somewhat awkward. If you read this aloud to yourself, pausing at ALL the commas, you will see where there are too many pauses, and then stop at the full stops and see where sentences could have run together.
You have loads of potential with stories... mehr anzeigen

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Gelöschter User

Once more, you've managed to creep me out in less than a page. The last line is classic and what a great twist on an old tale. Another vote coming your way.

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felixthecat

Forgive me that word, lol...but, yes, it really is. A great, surprise ending to be sure, but the narrative is so smooth as well!
Love your cover!

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jacki137

What a lethal combination...not darkness and dust bunnies but Michael Cannata and Flash Fiction. Here's another fine mess you gotten us into again. Great job.

1 vote

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