I came back to vote. I commented on page 2 and am happy to see that most everyone found your story so good that they took the time to actually point out specific errors so that you could fix your story and make it perfect.
You have my vote. Excellent!
I'm late in reading this, but I must also say I was captivated by the entire story; how you unfolded it so well. I do agree in a way with Jack...the ending seemed almost anti-climactic (due to word restrictions, i'm thinking) compared to the excellence of what preceded it.
Even so, VERY well done, and deserving of a vote.
The way you delivered the story was solid. Few conventional mistakes. Verb tense was the biggest one. The character was a little...done. The reflective antihero. The grand scale of the plot you alluded to was original, and impressive. Solid piece of work.