its got potential, although i did spot about a hundred grammatical, punctuational and spelling errors. but i like the plot! its good so far! keep it up, though i HIGHLY recommend fixing those errors. oh, and the hundred bit was an exageration, but you know what i mean, right?
You definitely got a good plot and i'm eager to read more the only thing i would suggest is maybe going onto a new line when a new person is talking it just makes the book easier to read. It was good and i like it but it was a little difficult to read and understand. Keep me updated i'd love to read more
good flow of story. Enjoyable read, but there's still not enough there to really get up to speed. I've got a book with large fonts like this too, and ten pages is like five. Still, at least its easy to read. Good start - just need some more story.. keep writing.