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Chronicles of Madness

Von:
User: J
Chronicles of Madness
John Decker, a man determined to fit in with todays society. To be apart of the in crowd. A man with no hope of normality. Not with his father's disappearance and his mother's death on his mind, and his deepest secret coming to light. How will John handle a war that he has no power to stop, yet all the power in the world to end?


Dieses Buch ist Teil der Reihe "The Shifter"
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Chronicles of Madness
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Wichtiger Beitrag
Gelöschter User

(ᵔᴥᵔ) ⇝ WWW.INTIMCONTACT.COM?_ebook-justin-nichols-chronicles-of-madness

Wichtiger Beitrag
Gelöschter User

I'm super tired but I want to help out so: Brief Comments:

- I am taking note in how you started out narrating through second person point of view, which is actually something that I personally love doing, but it is also very rare. So nice job.

- I do not think that putting phrases in parentheses support with the kind of tone you are trying to set. You could possibly instead, just state that the journal is called "The... mehr anzeigen

4 Kommentare
J

Well, my good friend, I would like to thank for all the help and support that you have provided me with this story. I will definitely make the changes you suggested, as you are in fact a fantastic writer.

Gelöschter User

You are welcome :) and thank you :) Haha I love helping though so message me if you would like more comments/suggestions/edits.

Dieser Kommentar wurde gelöscht.
Gelöschter User

(ᵔᴥᵔ) ⇝ WWW.INTIMCONTACT.COM?reaper1398_1358655559.1679439545

Wichtiger Beitrag
S.P. Johnson Jr.

This is a very interesting story. I like the style of the narrative, too. This does need some editing and polishing, especially with dialogue. Good story, though. It's worth the effort to clean it up.

1 Kommentar
J

Thanks

Wichtiger Beitrag
Gelöschter User

As I Read :

~ On page 3 your text reads " I don't know son but we should probably get going" ...Just make sure you put the punctuation in the end so it reads.." I don't know son but we should probably get going."

~ Correct your punctuation on page 3 where it reads as " It was to protect me, but from what." Make sure you add the "?" at the end of the sentence because you are asking a question here.

~ On page 4 " Your lying dad;... mehr anzeigen

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J

I don't know, just happy I guess

Gelöschter User

well that's always a good thing *thumbs up*

J

Yep.

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