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The Lock

The I kicked my shoe against the desked hard, detective work was very frustrating. I was tired of being one step behind the killer. Enough was enough.


Stichwörter: 
lock, detective, killer, mistery
Beiträge und Kommentare
Wichtiger Beitrag
felixthecat

Jordan, I have to tell you, there are a gazillion grammar errors...but your short story left me with the biggest smile on my face that I can remember. I'm not even sure having the story-to-date edited would be a plus because it is just so charming as is.

The opening sentence, for example--the one right up there in your blurb. I understood it, lol, but...whaa? A bit farther down in the actual story, as she is listening to her... mehr anzeigen

2 Kommentare
Kueen of Mean

I will add more and try to fix any mistakes

felixthecat

For now, just continue writing with an eye on the story as you see it.

A few things to keep in mind as you write...Your main character. Make her strong, BUT, every great character has what is called a fatal flaw; a weakness. It could be fear of the dark. It could be arrogance.... mehr anzeigen

Wichtiger Beitrag
Kalai

Interesting read for you know how build up the suspense. Keep it updated for there is more space to develop.

1 Kommentar
Wichtiger Beitrag
Gelöschter User

I love it! I wish I was a detective. But then I do watch too much midsummer murders.

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