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The world of Zin

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The world of Zin

In the world of Zin There are only few heros that can protect the king and his kingdom from the deadly tribe that treaten to stomp upon the gates of Zin.
Cunning traps and ambushes as these heros fight their ways out of enemy forces and stomp away the dangers that come to their peaceful land of Zin.


Beiträge und Kommentare
Wichtiger Beitrag
marnie.write

John, I tried to read your book but it seemed to disappear after chapter 15. But having read that much it seemed to be a potentially interesting and exciting story. But I would not mention Orcs as they have been used already in The Lord of the rings.
Also there is no need to keep putting, he said, she said, he stated etc., But when you do, put it on the same line as it is rather confusing otherwise. And put commas where... mehr anzeigen

Wichtiger Beitrag
Rgabel

Review - I say often I can hear a writer's 'voice.' That means how they put words together to describe something. Or how they portray their characters.

I really like your 'voice.' It is somewhat unique. Like on pg 12, "bringing a stripe of blood to the linen." That creates a vivid image with unique wording. So this tells me you have a writer's instinct.

I'm getting a sense of Zoe's personality as well. He is a good and obedient... mehr anzeigen

Wichtiger Beitrag
Adam Lewis LaValley

This is a promising story - I can see a lot of good that can come out of it. It was definitely worth the read.

Here's a suggestion: Be sure to work on your sentence structure. Sometimes it will help if you analyze a work by one of your favorite authors. Compare how the information is sorted.

The beginning line (which I edited a bit) as an example: "Kamota, are we going to the prince's aid once more?" Zoe asked.

'Zoe asked'... mehr anzeigen

Wichtiger Beitrag
yezall

story. It needs a little polish with spelling and grammar. It has the makings of a much meatier story. Keep fine tuning this, its worth it!

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