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A Spiritual Bond

Based On A True Story Von:
User: indie23
A Spiritual Bond
A true story of a young woman's memories of her beloved grandfather, and their special bond.

Nina's grandfather would do anything to try and protect her from the cruel intentions of her father.

Beiträge und Kommentare
Wichtiger Beitrag
mkidd6

Such a poignant story, thank you for sharing. I think once the grammar issues are tidied up, I’d like to suggest more dialogue. You illustrate your characters, but setting plays a big part as well. Simply telling me what is happening isn't enough. Help me enter your story, and to relate to what is going on around your characters. Action doesn't always have to be a car chase, sometimes it is noticing the small nuances around... mehr anzeigen

Wichtiger Beitrag
indie23

Thank you felixthecat, I really appreciate your comment. It is very helpful, but I was wondering, should I fix the issues now, or wait until after the contest is over?

Wichtiger Beitrag
felixthecat

This is a pretty fine little story, Indira. You have a few small, questionable grammaticals here and there, ie., Pg. 6 "Could this have been to make up for the mistakes he made..." Technically it should read, "...for the mistakes he had made...(or he'd made)..." This is past perfect, and although it's minor, you should consider changing what you have.
Same page; third full paragraph. Same observation at "...Nina wished she... mehr anzeigen

Wichtiger Beitrag
Demonata-Freak

another nice true story, i would have liked to read it in more detail, it sorta feels like im readin a summory. but none the less, nice :)
Did she ever tell the police about what her da did to her and did he do the same to her sister??>????

Wichtiger Beitrag
indie23

I would look through the text again when I get a chance to. I'm glad you liked it otherwise. :)

Wichtiger Beitrag
Poetwriter2011

Indie23,

The images you illustrate are dramatic, touching, and saddening. I myself believe it to be true that people can have spiritual bonds. There are a couple areas within the text where a word is missing a letter, etc. I like this story and look forward to reading more of your work.

Good job!

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