Summer Dunes

A Sad Short Story Von:
Summer Dunes
Does love really last forever?

sad, short story, death
Beiträge und Kommentare
Wichtiger Beitrag

I'll take your suggestions into consideration. :)

1 Kommentar
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Wichtiger Beitrag

Maybe try this:
Remove your last line and leave your ending as it was.
Put the 'brother' thread into the story e.g Page 6:
"Marry me, Lotia."
"I don't know, Aaron." I leaned my head against his shoulder. "You know how my brother is opposed to our marriage."

Then P7 para5:
I saw my brother running away from someone laying on the ground.

Or something like that...It's just a suggestion. Do what you feel comfortable with.
Hope that helps

Wichtiger Beitrag

So powerful and so creatively composed. You can't be only thirteen, you are much too wise and clever for such a young age.
I thought the way you described the shot, leaving the reader guessing if it really was Aaron was very good.
I would have liked something more at the end. What the girl was feeling, who shot Aaron and why.
He wanted to show her something at the hotel...What was it...You can't leave things like this hanging... mehr anzeigen

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