My entry for the Young Writer of the year contest.
“Hey Boss, have you heard from Chino lately?” I had asked the last time that I was called in.

Boss looked up at me from his seat. It didn’t matter if he was sitting or standing, being near Boss made my stomach clench. If I stayed in a room with him for too long, the sharp predator look in his sunken grey eyes made me feel like a rat in a cage.

“Chino who?” Boss had responded.

I remember that cold sweat dripped down my back, matting my t-shirt to my skin.

disapearance, friends, life, death, brooklyn
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Hi, möchtest du – oder jemand, den du kennst - gerne abnehmen aber lecker essen ohne Reue? Willst du den Schlüssel wissen, wann Nahrung dick, und wann sie schlank macht? Dann schau doch mal rein ins Buch. Endlich habe ich eine Lösung für mich gefunden. Das könnte dir auch helfen. Liebe Grüsse! Aline

Bewusste Ernährung - Erfolg kann man essen!. Schlank im Schlaf durch bewusste Ernährung; benutze den Code und knacke den "Schlank"-Safe! Dieses Buch richtet sich an alle Menschen, die sich allgemein gesund ernähren wollen - aber auch an diejenigen, die abnehmen möchten...und während du schläfst, knackt gerade jemand seinen "Sch...
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I enjoyed the short story and found it funny that both our stories are set in New York, though mine being in New York doesn't really come into play. The main thing that caught my attention errors wise was just the spacing, indenting your paragraphs would make it seem much more professional. I'm also not sure that you ever make it clear that the main character is a girl or a boy, which is semi vital to the... mehr anzeigen

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The indenting got all messed up when I for the main character...the name is Luis, which messes with people's concept of gender (and I like that because I'm trying to challenge social ideas of gender sometimes)
As for NYC...yes, it's there. I actually went to... mehr anzeigen

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Gelöschter User

At first I was curious about the title, since I grew up with a lot of Japanese stuff in my house. I remember I had a red pair when I was little. :)
This is so good for such a short passage; I don't know how you do it! There are a couple of little errors (filp flips XD) that caught my eyes, but they really don't bother me too much. That being said, I myself make tons of errors that I don't catch until I reread something for the... mehr anzeigen

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lol! I guess I'll have to go give it a read again soon. I really need to polish this up a bit. And thank you so very much for giving this a look :) it means a lot. As for Stephen King, I can only dream to be half as famous as that man. I'll try though xD

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L. Avery Brown

First and foremost let me say...when I read this I had to keep reminding myself that the author is 'a kid'--yes, you might've been 20 when it was written...but I'm old enough to be your you're still a kid! :o)

And I did that because it was written with such smooth maturity I was quite often taken aback at just how well it flowed. Often times younger writers fall into and out of style when they're still fairly fresh... mehr anzeigen

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You really know how to write a cliffhanger! Terrific story, I love the grittiness of it and the relationship between Luis and Chino. Your writing is addictive, keep it up and good luck in the contest!

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Gelöschter User

I got a bit confused at one point because of the fast paced action. But I'm tired and dehydrated and I've been on my laptop 4 ages. All in all I think its really good and I want to find out more so the only criticism is that you finished writing it when I wanted to read more.

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I have never been to NYC but by reading Geta, somehow I feel like I have. The subway ride, the fast-paced storyline, the mystery. It is all interwoven in a way that kept my interest throughout. So, there's a mystery at the end with can fill in the blanks with more of just leave the reader to formulate their own intriguing answer. Either way, this story has some bite and I hope to see more from you.

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Is that it??? What happened to Chino??? I wanna know where he went... poo, should have been more!
Got my vote, it was really well wrote, the dialog wwas reeally good, i felt like i was actually in New York, were iv never been i may add!!1
Its really cool short story, i wanted to read more and find out were Chino has gone....Is he dead???

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Sooty for taking so much time, but I couldn't forget to vote for this. Good luck as well and great job :)

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