Thanks so much for taking the time to read my story and for sharing your observations. I believe it's important to balance your creative voice with the established rules as well and will keep this in mind as I go forward.
Side note: I've tried (quite a few times now) to read your book but it never opens for me. If you have any suggestions I'd appreciate it 'cause I want to see what everyone else is raving about. :-)
I think you have a good story coming along. I know you've heard a few others say that there are some grammar mistakes so I won't drive that point home. However, I just came across this link in one of the groups, and thought you might like it. It talks about good fiction vs. grammar. It may help! And keep up the good work!