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IsaiahY
IsaiahY
IsaiahY ist offline.
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Gelöschter User

◔_◔ ︀↪ ︀➭ www.date4fuq.com?-aracus

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Demonata-Freak

Hey, you added me as a friend on here, on your own head be it by the way lol so i just wanted to say merci ma copain :)

2 Kommentare
dmpais

are you French or so? D.

Demonata-Freak

No, I'm Irish. I just did French for GCSE, and I like using it in my thank you messages cause it makes it a bit different :)
What nationality are you????

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judycolella

I think I got what the story was about, but it's extremely confusing. You refer to Aracus (love the name) in the third person, but then switch to first person by using "I". Are they they same one? And who are the other characters? You introduce them all with no background, no back-story, no explanation, and by page 5, I was totally lost. You also have a lot of run-on sentences. I would suggest making an outline of the plot,... mehr anzeigen

2 Kommentare
dmpais

Sorry, what is the title of story you are applying the theory you exposed? Dave

judycolella

Here you go:

http://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-isaiah-yisrael-the-awakening-of-a-king-the-veil-lifted/

My comment wasn't a theory, by the way, just an observation about principles of good writing, lol.

The Awakening of A King: The Veil Lifted http://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-isaiah-yisrael-the-awakening-of-a-king-the-veil-lifted/ Aracus walked down a eerie hallway. He had no idea where he was.There was a faint light coming from the end of the hallway. He kept walking towards the light. He entered a room with nothing but a d...
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